i overslept...

opps...
sorry mark, edwin, leanna...
urm.. yeah i overslept -,-'"

language is a medium...

language is a medium for which enables my heart to speak to yours.
search "I have a dream speech". Martin Luther King Jr. Not the best speaker I'm sure, but he inspires nonetheless. coz he speaks from the heart, n his heart speaks out to you.
His dream? That America lives up to its creed, for racial equality, n for the American dream: where all things are possible n everyone has an equal opportunity to success. Yes, though the war vs the South have been won, there still exists a divide between the blacks and the whites. MLK bravely sought to close that divide. I need to read up more... so should u guys.

Jemuel has came up with a feature webbie n feature blog. He's gone serious n all. well.. u know me. I can't stick to smth for a long while. call it a short attention span, call it fickleness, but at least u know there's consistency in my inconsistence =p
but for today at least, i shall bring to your attention: Paco. (http://www.pacorosic.com) his works are simply BREATHTAKING. it's not just the fact that his works are marvellous works of art. what amazes ppl most is that his works are spray painted. i'm not sure if all are spraypainted, but his Sistine Chapel project is. And i marvel at the sight.
Also makes me wanna fly down to rome(?) to view the original works by Michelangelo. LOL i'm no art buff.. but u have to admit Christian art n architecture takes your breath away =p of course there's more to Michelangelo's works then just those he was commissioned to do for the church, but i bet those are nice.. ;)

sighz.. my speech is a let down, not just coz i can't pronounce FILM, but coz i lack the ability most have to effectively convey thoughts through the audio medium. more so than speech though, is my dismay at my brain n intellect, for i have zero for creativity, n negative denotations for my memory capabilities. it's amazing how i go by with no organiser/diary. n yet.. i do.
newayz, i just want ppl to remember this date. i think i've remembered it. that very important day. if i recall, i remembered saying "you sure? it sounds too nice n perfect to be true." 3rd March. 03/03. beautiful ain't it? the beauty of repetition. if u're reading this, n i'm right, let me know? n... i'm sorry.. really. =( for ever forgetting.
*since that day when u sent that sms, i've been thinking, n trying to crack my head.. i hope i've gotten it right..*

11th Oct. 11/10. it's my favorite, n most hated day, of the year. why? well.. u go figure it out. =)

later today, i'll be meeting Mark, Edwin, n Leanna to head down to Sentosa. I feel.. lost.. after all the excitement n hype, i feel drained. it's as if i've over-anticipated n i've lost the enthusiasm too early. way b4 it's even started. well.. at least i know i'll be having fun =)
n.. take care Leanna. well.. take care of your mum. sorry to hear she's sick, n hope she gets well soon. =)

A little more about.. ME!

yup! we discover new things every day, n today, i discovered a little more about.. ME! ^^
as proclaimed EONS ago, i'm a man of MANY fears. yup!
scared cockroach, lizard, heights, small spaces, dark, supernatural... many many things =p
it's amazing how i maintain my sanity! then it dawned on me, today omw to school. -lightbulb pops up!-
was crossing the overhead bridge from buona vista mrt, n i was looking over at the canal below. naturally, the fear of falling whelmed up in me. but... nothing happened, n i looked away n walked on.
i had a strong urge to squat down n cower away from the sides in fear, n let myself be overwhelmed by the nauseatic spells fear'll send me, but i didn't. n the reason?
Society n rationality. 1stly, my rational mind tells me that i have no reason to fear. so it's not that i've "overcome" my fears (as a child i did cower away from railings of shopping centres haha. but i still go near them again once fear subsides =p i'm a stupid child =p), instead, as my mind develops a system of rationality n logical thinking, i'm able to "argue" against my fears n quell them. hence, i walked on.
society coz.. as an individual living in a society, we indoctrinate values society imposes on us, n we conform to them. it's not normal for pple to FEAR walking across an overhead bridge, now is it? hence be it for "face", or the fact that homosapiens r social creatures, that's the 2nd reason y i didn't cower..
heh.. society crap.. mayb i should try a sociology module. lol bish...
opps.. gotta fly... frenz r here. kaori's sitting across me. how to ignore? pretty girl leh.. haha. laters guys!

The sun shines again.. -Morning-

wow..
that's alot of bitching i did last night.
that felt good =)
today, the sun was bright.. but it was eclipse by Jing ying. muahaha... j/king lah... refer to previous post on my description of her. n nah.. the sun was brighter. we both had to hide from the sun haha... she used my shadow -,-'"
m blogging from school now, n i realise a few things.
my attempted centre parting looks UBER UGLY haha.. but at least i look nerd. yeah! mission accomplished! ambrose is nerdified!
n... yeah hair is damn long. i'm still due for a trip to the barber heh.
what else...
oh i'm a member of SoG as of last night! n urm...
no news of Hongting.. she's quite stressed tho, w schoolwork i guess. but better that than the other thing..
edwin... is in quite a fix. but he's cool, n he rides the waves of time well. he'll sail thru this little storm.
sorry shan.. didn't call you last night haha.. wanted to, but i guess i waited too long n u fell asleep fast. either that or u were too tired to accept any calls =p but it's cool either way =) i'd only be talking bout you newayz ^^ take care..
my bowling still sux! haha nah.. kidding. i think i've improved quite abit.. but i still need to get my shot right. it's wayyyy wrong.
n urm... quiz!! i got quiz later in the afternoon! n mid-term tmw... n thurs... yikes!! that's alot of studying! -bleah!- as ambrose would say... gg-fied.. haha.
hmm... nothing much to say.. jon looked at a girl n thought past the sex factor. *gasp!* omg.. n he talked like a emo freak.. like me! omg... well.. like most ppl newayz. stephanie ho talks about chemistry n all that too! darryl's an exception. he lets his head make decisions.. which head he uses i have noooo idea =p
just realised ka wing's bday is coming up.. n i realise i haven't heard from her in ages! wonder what she's up to now... heh.. not that i was close to her b4 =p
opps! look at the time. i should go work or catch a nap at least. ciao! this post is just to counter the load of junk from last night.. with more junk! haha...

p.s. jing ying still looks b-e-a-utiful =p she wore pointy heels today! sooo cool... but i think the shiny black abit too.. or-biang for her haha. ekk.. her style har... abit like ah lian muahhaa. n she still say she not lian =p die die! i like all things beng n lian! cannot... she so pretty le... wait i get infatuated haha..
p.p.s. aii... out of point.. think most ppl can see le.. i think jing ying really damn chiou.. nuff said =p n.. nah she not lian lah. she's cool =) okok should stop here. =p else i can start a jing ying fan club le -bleah!-

Update v1.931 w BonusPack v1.661

Like a break-up, you could say my departure from Sanctuary hurts. Lots.
It's amazing how much weightage i put into the friendships I've formed in the past few months in-game. It's a shocking wake-up call to me. I should play less WoW wahaha >.<
Easier said than done though. I should, however, take another look at my system of friendship. I give every friend, old or new, my 100%, and sometimes, it drains me out.
Worse still, I start getting impatient with old/familiar friends, and end up chasing some away. Most new acquaintances don't see it, but I have a very bad temper, and unfortunately, I seem to be having more trouble keeping it under the lid.
I guess as I hit "adulthood", I care less for face, and "just give". My devil-may-cry heck care attitude that I've adopted may be doing me more harm than good though.. but being a good guy just don't cut it anymore. I remember being told "you can't please everyone" and how wise were those words.

Newayz, this is an update post, so here goes.
WoW update 1: Silentstalkr has formed Halfway House. A casual guild to help one another, gear up n train potential raiders, n help them look for a raiding guild/home. Or they could stay and be a casual, and enjoy the camaradrie shared among fellow members of Halfway House. To all Sanctuary members, I'm sorry I'm not coming back, at least not in the near future, cause of the following reasons.
1) my return will harm the guild more than help.
2) I've promised the officers I won't come back.
3) Hardcore raiding was never my intent in this game.
WoW update 2: Borntokill on Aman'thul has joined CK in his family guild Band of Brothers. I intend to play occasionally with them, and have found their pace of levelling and gaming to be relaxing and fun. Borntokill shall be a dagger rogue, and I shall relish the chance to play a rogue again.. from a whole new perspective. (i've never played dagger end-game. been sword since pre-20s)
On that note, Madame is still GM of Reunion, but Reunion is currently rather defunct. I'll log on at least once a week, but I doubt I'll be lvling Madame much. I'm glad to see notably Deadstalk, Etrigan, Kylnn, and Luella's Alt showing some activity. However, I suspect only Etrigan and Deadstalk are really playing haha.
WoW update 3: An offer too good to refuse has knocked on my door. Been bugged by mark to reroll a rogue back on Shadowsong and raid with him on Shadowsong. Aside from being kicked out of Sanctuary, yesterday saddening news of a split of the cores of SoG has sent shockwaves round the raiding community of Shadowsong. This only further pushed my decision to reroll a NE rogue on Shadowsong. Vvred is now a lvl7 rogue on Shadowsong. Feel free to find me there. I should be there almost as often as I am on Silentstalkr.
WoW update 4: My characters on Khaz'goroth have now officially entered semi-retirement. I've not given up on them, but I don't intend to pursue further "glory" with them. My sole intent of logging onto Khaz will be to renew old ties. Nothing more. With more WoW frenz turning RL frenz, the lines between virtual and reality are thinning. And with many of the "converted-RL frenz" retiring/semi-retiring from WoW, it's time Silentstalkr hung up his blades too.

Bowling is expensive, but still enjoyable. However, the joy I derive from the pursuit of perfection in bowling seems to have lost its appeal as compared with that I get from 9ball pool. Though I doubt I'll quit bowling, I might quit the NUS bowling team. Permanently. It's been fun, but it's not something I'd like to hang around for.
I hope to save up enough gold... I mean.. money, to purchase a break cue. Using darryl's break cue strengthened my resolve to get one. I intend to master my break for 9ball, and getting myself a break cue will be my 1st step. Already I pride myself in being able to deliver a relatively good break.... On tables of better quality than those found at Kpool heh.

School sucks. But whining that I'm doing something I dun like isn't gonna get me anywhere. If there's something good I learned from WoW, it's that grinding through WORKS. Though i love grinding, I hate raiding sometimes. There are cases when I just didn't feel like raiding, but for the DKP, I ran thru the instance anyway.
Contrary to popular belief, when I dun feel like raiding and turn up for raids, I do play my part. It may not be my 100%, but it's still enough (top 15 dps every raid justifies that. 1st dps for every vael fight i'm in ^^)
The mood swings and attitude problems that Sanctuary kicked me out for were purely due to irritation, either from RL or in-game. eg. running into instance as a substitute only to die before even getting equips optimized or buffed up coz raid ignored my calls for a buff or an update. (explains the few times i mass spam for buffs. coz i hate being ignored, n those times ppl just happened to see me at my worst). Or when a suggested strat gets ignored or put down, only for it to be implemented when others suggest. (razorgore rogues to corners grouping. bwl trash mobs techs 1st vs locks 1st. vael fight, but finally got my points thru in a msn conversation, after which we downed vael. still needs ironing out of course, but i was never there to see perfection.) and of course, when i perform below par, you'll sometimes see me extremely down. (those times i die so fast for rag fight. you normally see me being the 1st to leave MC after loot distribution. I hate it when I suck.) but these being beside the point, and i digress.
I gotta grind through the next few days of tests, and hopefully, even if i fall way below par, i hope, I still clear the modules.

p.s. I left raid quite a few times, but it's never in anger. most of the time i left, there was someone outside waiting to replace me. flesh for me for razorgore, which i returned later at 12am server coz i knew ppl like ribena or rasta will be logging, or like that day when i got kicked, zemana was waiting outside, n tho she refused to come in, i knew she wanted in.
ask genx, poi, nakano, n u'll know i won't quit coz i'm wiping. i won't swap blue or green gear, but push on till my main gears go red, b4 i give up. heh. rogues will know, during the vael wipes before our 1st down, i was at max buff for EVERY attempt. i love vael fights, n i know rogues r most valuable to a vael fight dps wise. i prepared extra arcane prot potions for razorgore, so i always have enough to pop to stop mages ae. ae dmg > fire dmg from mages in razorgore phase1. tho mcclane disagree, i still carry them ard, n have a few stacks to spare for Sanctuary rogues still if they ever need.
p.p.s. sorry for bitchin so much of wow. it may last for bout a wk, but i hope it'll stop soon. i hate hearing myself bitch on n on bout a fucking game haha, but i think i'm addicted, n have grown too attached to many things in-game which i've now lost. so many things i've kept quiet but to afew for too long. it's time i said things out. it's insulting to be implied as a quitter, especially by new hardcore raiders who think they're know-it-alls. or ppl who imply i'm ACTING like a nice guy. or ppl who imply i don't think for the guild, or worse, who say i don't spend time thinking before i flame. i've never flamed, n i spend more time on a post than anyone i bet. have u tried typing a post that yur log-in times out? TWICE?? 6hours for 1 post..
the one that hurt me the most was probably the implications that i don't think for guild. my actions may seem.. irrational, but it's for the guild. if i made a mistake, or m not in a right frame of mind to continue, with a replacement outside, izzet better for me to continue? or let someone else who wanna play, or is in a better state of mind than i m to continue? somethings i dun need to say it out. i'm no officer, y should i say "oh i think he'll do better than i m now in raid, so i'm leaving"? besides, i always have something else to do. if i don't think for guild, y would i log on to sub in raids at 12am server time... n endure wipe after wipe at chrommagus? or firemaw.. or whichever boss it might be. it hurts.. if ppl ever think i never thought of guild.
in some ways, i'm glad to be over with Sanctuary, coz if they don't respect the effort/thoughts I put in for the guild, then there is no reason I should give them my virtual "blood and sweat".
I've gquit back then in Kopiclan n Kopi for lesser reason, but ever since i started trying to help w guild progression, i've never /gquit on a whim. even under straining times at yga, or sanct, i didn't gquit. i understand y i need to be gkick (coz i suck in both skill and attitude, or so deemed by most ppl in guild), but i dun understand the lack of respect n understanding that preluded these.

'nuff said. BonusPack is full. I'm bursting with anger, hurt, n tears. No I don't feel betrayed, coz I never was. I just feel lost.. at least in-game.
this IS a long post, and probably my most worthless one. But for the sake of my WoW frenz, this post is for you. For those of you who thought you knew. This is my side of the story. To believe it or not, is up to you. There's probably some more things I could say, but this should fill you up to date bout the life of Silentstalkr. KopiClan -> Kopi -> YGA -> Sanctuary -> Halfway House.
cheers, n may your WoW life be much more fun than it was for me.

Nothing hurts more than a stab to the heart..

Emotional pains are the hardest to bear. They tear you up from the inside, leaving you lost and unable to do anything.
It'll be kinda lame to say I'm hurting coz i miss my guild, but i do miss my guild. I miss having fun with them, chatting, reading their lame conversation n banterings, helping out, raiding (the act of gaming together more than the raid itself).. yeah i miss them. Heh. but i've gotta move on, and besides, whatever I'm gonna say next is gonna hurt even more.
The hardest thing to do, is to care sooo much about a person, but u're unable to do anything. remember in JC, there was once i saw Germaine in the canteen. She was in tears, with Sha comforting her. I tried to help, but i felt so helpless. She chased me away, n it hurt sooo much.. naturally i got pissed coz i couldn't do shyt.. but i bet that was to cover up my hurt. 5yrs on, n things haven't really changed much haha.
What am I to do? Do you have something to tell me? You sound like you wanna say something, but can't get it out.. Am I caring too much? Am I irritating you? Am I being too explicit about my care for you? We've been through this, and you know I like you; I've no reason to hide it now that you know it, but I promise we'll be frenz n that I'll try to move on too. Why oh why is it so hard to let go? Girl.. sometimes you make me cry at night.. sometimes, in the lonely night, I think of you, and I cry (tear. u guys know i can't cry), cause I dunno what to do. I promised we'll be frenz, but that promise is a burden too heavy for me to bear. Sometimes you're there for me, and sometimes you aren't. I'm lost, stuck on your every word, and I feel like a fool, trapped in a web I cannot get out of. It's not your fault I'm like this, but sometimes it hurts so bad...
I hope you don't read this, but yet I hope you do.. I feel so bad to put you through this, you've got enough on your mind. Sighz.. but you've got a life, n I've got mine. I'll settle my life in due time, as I'm sure u're sorting yours out as well =) I'll be here for you, as I always will. /hug.
I sms-ed Jing Ying today as well. She seems to be in some sort of emotional turmoil too. I hope she's ok. I can't do anything to help her, so I guess I'll sit out and wait for things to subside. I've offered my help. It's up to her to take it up I guess. Speaking of Jing Ying, I might as well make my tiny dark secret confession here (not so secret i'm sure since many already know). I think Jing Ying is drop dead gorgeous. Well, most think otherwise, but i guess it's her looks, eyes, n smile. It never fails to take my breath away. =) there.. i've said it. I'm a lucky guy to have her as a fren. Her smile is brighter than a million suns, n can send warmth to the depths of the deepest abyss.
Of course, I have to give special mention to Iris again. Nope not the Iris Tan from ACJ, but the Iris from WoW. She's such a fun character, n a great fren, I just feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many good frenz. Can't wait for you to touch down in Singapore next month =) There's so much chatting (and SHOPPING!) we have to do haha =p I'm sure Ben n Jemuel, amongst others, will be glad to see you ^^ could meet up w teirz n gang too.. but not sure if u wanna haha =p If you're still having troubles with acommodation, lemme know! i'll try to find something for you =) as a last resort, my house is always available! + you get to play WoW from my place muahaha =p j/king.
kz. it's 6am n I'm tired. WoW farming sure takes yur mind of everyday issues. sighz.. but i can't escape all my problems; sooner or later they'll catch up to me.. like my school work -,-'" sighz..
chao all. tc =)

"Love is both selfish and selfless. If you agree, you're human; otherwise, you're either a nacsist or a idealist."
"If you love someone, do you want that someone to be happy? Or do you want that someone to be happy WITH you?"
I think too much... and I say even more haha.. ignore the fortune cookie style gibberish. They make no sense, like most fortune cookies =p

the beginning of the end?

end... of WoW. mayb.
i got kicked out of Sanctuary today.
it's my fault granted, but one must delve deeper to comprehend fully what this encompass.
why did u do it? why have u been moody? have u really been like that all the while?
it must be my fault. who else could be at fault?
but.. why?
somethings i'll never know. mayb i felt sick n tired of it all. it's true i didn't see eye to eye on many issues, n i tend to be vocal about my views. i guess that robbed me of many frenz but those who shared similar views.
sighz.. i'm tired. i had a nice supper with ben (mcclane) n jemuel (focusspa). i still call jemuel jem coz i dunno how to pronounce his name right haha =p it was nice =) well.. i'll log on later tonight i guess, n we'll see how things go. i hope i didn't pull iris (zemana) down with me. it'd be unfair on iris for sure. she stood by me, n left guild too for justice. not justice for me, but justice she felt, was lacking in the decision making of the guild. i respect her resolve, determination, n sense of justice. she's a fren too worthy for me, n my honor of having.

ohz, n also on a separate note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAINE N LYNN!
so many things have happened, but i shall not forget the birthdays of 2 friends i hold dear =p
i'll be seeing edwin n mayb mark later... better get some sleep now =)
nitez all..

Loot Crisis. WoW gamers take note.

With the recent patch1.12, there's been an influx of fist combat rogues all around. given the versatility of the combat spec, many more r finding their way back to the rogue combat tree, be it pvp or pve.
however, due to either a blizz overlook or blizz's intentional added spice into our raiding life, we have been gifted a shortage of fist weapon drops, especially good OH fists. hence comes the dilemna: should fist rogues be considered feasible? should fist rogues, just as sword rogues n dagger rogues b4, be given 1st priority only to the spec of their choice?
granted, i'm a lazy n sentimental rogue. i love my swords/blades n i can't bear to part with them (tho i have a OH claw n m hoping to get a lobotomizer one day haha) but i can't ever imagine a rogue using a claw. yes the dps is good, but we've already gotten 1st priority on equally good swords. i see no reason y we should deprive warriors of their claws (we got their swords n daggers already).
fist rogues complain that there're no available offhand that matches up to the mainhand fist they have available, hence they have every right to roll for a sword offhand. but is that not deprivin a fellow sword rogue of a much needed sword upgrade or a warrior of a dps/tanking weapon (claw)?
IMO, tradition should be adhered, n fists n axes should go to warriors, while swords n daggers should go to rogues, with 2nd priority be shared by all(n either). yes this might be denying players of their desired spec, but when a desired spec is detrimental to a guild, what will u choose? guild or spec?
warriors have waited forever to dw. if they can't get their hands on our swords, at least let them have fists. it's a compromise. else there's no reason y rogues have 1st roll on swords. the fact is warriors have a wider weapon range than rogues. but if rogues start expanding our weapon choices n versatility, then it defeats the argument.
this is what i say: fist weapons r equal to sword/dagger rogues, but no better. u need skill to bring out the max potential of your character. it doesn't matter if u got a vis'kag/bb or a claw of black drake/maladath. if u don't play it well, my bb/warblade combo can easily win u in the dps department.
eg. CTS/bb rogue vs AQripper/CTS rogue. my fren can outdps the AQripper rogue. 'nuff said. it's the skill that counts. if u dun stay alive, if u dun control aggro, if u dun maximise dps, then even if i gave u the best weapons in wow, u'll still suck.
so disregard my useless examples n nonsensical blabber. final point i wanna nail home is, stick to your spec. n keep it as sword/dagger pls. else for 1 fist rogue, the other sword/dagger rogues may suffer the consequences of waiting longer for upgrades. coz it's not fair that a fury warr orientated equip be given to a rogue. CTS is just in the next room!! would u rather have a CTS MH? or a Claw? u decide gamers. u decide.
p.s. dun cry when i get my hands on a CTS 1st. i'll pwn yur asses in dps. so hard u'll cry before i'm done. mapping out equip gathering is not about grabbing every available upgrade. it's about getting the max out of your upgrades. i skip vis'kag n maladath coz i got warblade. else i'll get vis'kag haha. now i'll wait for CTS, then skip AQripper for Ilbis in Naxx. Yes i'm impatient, but i'm not gonna rob others of an equip just coz it's an upgrade of smth i got not long b4. CTS/Ilbis = God-like.

IPPT... Fail....

Dammit.. an utter disappointment.
i... FAILED =(
too tired to blog it down last night, but here it is, in chronological order.
My 1st station was shuttle run. everyone knows i can ace this station. I did.
Shuttle Run: 9.9s A 5pt.
Next was Sit-up. Cmon.. for a guy of my physique, how could i fail? haha..
Sit up: 40 A 5pt. (could do more, but hey.. 40 gives me the A =p)
Then was on to Standing Broad Jump. haha.. with all the "bunny hopping" i do, was this station ever in doubt? =p 1-shotted this like i did shuttle run haha.
Broad Jump: 243cm A 5pt.
Then can the demoraliser. I need 10 chin-ups to even consider a gold.. i did 11. 2 got disqualified..
Chin Up: 9 C 3pt.
Felt real weak after chin up as well, but i had a long break after that b4 2.4km. i was optimistic. i was sooooo WRONG..
2.4km: 12.44min E 1pt.
Damn... i've deproved... This is the kinda standard i ran in JC... *squintz*
Gonna retry. I don't believe I can't get $$ out of this. Anyone wanna run with me, lemme know. We go take at Maju.
guys n gals, we can train together too. I live cck soo... or can run in school. yeah.. I need to run. Must get back 9.30min. MUST get gold. n along the way, I'll get a more defined 6pack muahaha -,-'" now got pack coz i'm skinny -,-
kz rushing out. today's dad bday. =)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! ^_^
if u see my dad ard campus tmw, do drop him yur well-wishes ^^
p.s. for those who dun noe, my dad works in NUS =p

care all.. =)

Out of Control

Who plays O2 JAM??
I soooo miss this song....
Haven't played O2 JAM in AGES..... /cry
sighz... y can't i get "game soundtracks" kinda stuff.. =(

Speaking of which... i've been getting out of control.. tempers flaring too easily..
soo.... stay away from me will u? dun wanna spoil yur day or kill u..
my emo also go out of control heh.. they're running wild n i can't rein them in. sometimes i go mad, sometimes i feel hurt.. sometimes it's a pain i can't bear.. but i try.
i'm a guy, n i promised i'll be strong.

Studies.. no mood lah... since 2wks ago.. i soo lag... sighz.. lagging behind school, n coz i rest from raiding to try n catch up, i laggin in dkp too now haha
ah well.. i feel bad, leave guild in the lurch. only 2 rogues for chrommie.. TWO. i think i should start helping out.. hehe.. everything running out of my control.

oh yeah, n Jo. That day i called? wanted to ask u stuff?
it's about my temper n anger. is there such a thing as being "addicted to anger"? like.. baitin ppl to piss u off? i dunno... i feel so... hateful n angry all the time.. it's.. weird. Jo... /cry.. i miss u all...

but.. yup other then these, i'm cool! ^^ LOL
i dunno y, but... i'm still in many eyes a nice guy. well.. so be it =) i'm glad to be thought of that way. Thank You all.

Oh oh! 1 thing i gotta tell u guys again. My trust system doesn't work on a "Zero-sum DKP system" ^^ i dun start u from zero. i start trust on a ratio system. at 100%. i think i've said this b4... but i might as well say again. so... don't ever lose my trust. when it hits 0%, it's gonna be very hard to get it back. n... friendship:trust is 1:1. dun let me lose u if u dun wanna lose me. just a random statement to all.. I LOVE U GUYS! once u know me, either as Ambrose, Amroui, or Silentstalkr.. u know u have me as a fren to count on, to fall back on.. for the rest of your life. This is my promise to ALL my frenz. ALWAYS.
/hug..

Italian Jersey!

WOooootTTT!!!
Met Lynn for lunch today, n i finally got my Italian Jersey! straight from Germany!! ^^
n... it's number 10!! WoooooTTT!!!!
THank YOu Lynn!! <3<3<3 ^_^ *hugs*
I MUST wear it soon. once my mum washes/irons it, you'll see me wearing it to school!! ^_^
Loves Lynn Lots lots! *grinz*

p.s. i asked for italy jersey way b4 they became world champions. been a fan of italy since pre-JC days coz of a few great players. Del Pierro, Totti, Buffon, Nesta, Roberto Baggio, the Inzaghi brothers. oh n recently, Gattuso! ^_^ n i didn't know Pirlo was Italian =p haha. never seen him play b4 til now. he ROCKS =) did i mention i'm a Buffon fan? oh n Nesta too. if ever i could play like any defender, it's Nesta. SOLID, good reading of game, Great tackler. who needs John Terry when u've got Nesta ^^
p.p.s yes i'm old school. I fell in love with Italy during Golden boy Del Pierro's era. it wasn't so long ago when Baggio was old school... haha i'm old =p
p.p.p.s. Never seen Baggio play for Italy =( but saw him play for club (Brescia?) n he ROCKS. oh oh! n Maldini rocks too!! but as u can tell, i'm a Nesta fan =p

Nice guys finish last

tired n drained.
so much work piling up, so little time..
still go out with frenz when i should be doing work.
still blogging when i should be revising..

i'm a nice guy? ...
xiaoyan thinks so... many pple think soo... ler shan thinks soo... i think..
soo.. do i finish last? well... i have a CAP of 2.1
i've failed 3 modules in my university life.
what else...
i say things n ppl ignore them.
when i make an effort to reiterate to make myself heard i get shunned.
when i get pissed coz of being ignored i get flamed for being insensitive n rude n insulting.
i spend time to be objective too. laying claims w/o reference or backing is worthless.
1min of flaming > 6hours of research n point-by-point proposals.
i have to say sorry for being ignored.
it's my fault that i care for my friends.
i'm too nice... ?
i go over to find ppl to get my stuff back.
i lend ppl $$ to find myself tightening my pockets for the month..
i lend ppl things that r precious to me..
i trust strangers 90%. u dun need to win my trust. but u can lose it.
i refrain from saying 100%, lest i make an empty promise.
i tell ppl to go sleep, but they dun wanna, then blame me for disturbin their sleep..
i tell ppl to not wake me up, but they do anyway, n complain that it pisses them off..
ppl always think their right. i believe ppl can be right, just as i can be wrong. some ppl just dunno how to be wrong.
i hate letting ppl who think they're right have their way. especially when they dun listen to anything else.
soo... m i a nice guy? hmm...

i... get angry easily.
i get agitated over nothing.
i hate myself sometimes.
i hate myself more often than sometimes.
i hate myself all the time.
i get angry fast.
i cool down faster.
i lied.
my temper sux.
i'm hot... my temper's hotter.
i've never hit a living thing in my life.
i'm afraid of myself when i'm angry..
if i dun kill myself with my temper, someone else will die to it oneday..
yes i'm scary when i'm angry.
soo.. m i still a nice guy?

it's hard for a person to be ugly.
i think many ppl r pleasant.
pleasance of heart > pleasance of looks.
all my female friends r beautiful in their own way.
i'm superficial. if i can't stand your looks, i won't be talking to u.
if i look at u but i dun speak, it's not coz i can't stand your looks, it's just that your looks take my breath away. (either that or your heart.. or voice..)
i'm honey-tongued.
ppl say i say sweet stuff.
some pple say i say sour-stuff.
i tease them more than i compliment them..
pple say i say too sweet stuff.
they say i'll get diabetes.
they say i'm a liar, n a flirt.
they say i'm both.
i'm fickle..
m i nice?

i like to have fun. i like to play.
if i'm playing, but i'm not having fun, y should i play?
somethings u do things coz of the ppl around u, not coz of the thing u're doing.
mayb it's time to stop.
time to move on? time will tell...
i make no sense again.
i'm stupid.

sleep. nite.