Nice guys finish last

tired n drained.
so much work piling up, so little time..
still go out with frenz when i should be doing work.
still blogging when i should be revising..

i'm a nice guy? ...
xiaoyan thinks so... many pple think soo... ler shan thinks soo... i think..
soo.. do i finish last? well... i have a CAP of 2.1
i've failed 3 modules in my university life.
what else...
i say things n ppl ignore them.
when i make an effort to reiterate to make myself heard i get shunned.
when i get pissed coz of being ignored i get flamed for being insensitive n rude n insulting.
i spend time to be objective too. laying claims w/o reference or backing is worthless.
1min of flaming > 6hours of research n point-by-point proposals.
i have to say sorry for being ignored.
it's my fault that i care for my friends.
i'm too nice... ?
i go over to find ppl to get my stuff back.
i lend ppl $$ to find myself tightening my pockets for the month..
i lend ppl things that r precious to me..
i trust strangers 90%. u dun need to win my trust. but u can lose it.
i refrain from saying 100%, lest i make an empty promise.
i tell ppl to go sleep, but they dun wanna, then blame me for disturbin their sleep..
i tell ppl to not wake me up, but they do anyway, n complain that it pisses them off..
ppl always think their right. i believe ppl can be right, just as i can be wrong. some ppl just dunno how to be wrong.
i hate letting ppl who think they're right have their way. especially when they dun listen to anything else.
soo... m i a nice guy? hmm...

i... get angry easily.
i get agitated over nothing.
i hate myself sometimes.
i hate myself more often than sometimes.
i hate myself all the time.
i get angry fast.
i cool down faster.
i lied.
my temper sux.
i'm hot... my temper's hotter.
i've never hit a living thing in my life.
i'm afraid of myself when i'm angry..
if i dun kill myself with my temper, someone else will die to it oneday..
yes i'm scary when i'm angry.
soo.. m i still a nice guy?

it's hard for a person to be ugly.
i think many ppl r pleasant.
pleasance of heart > pleasance of looks.
all my female friends r beautiful in their own way.
i'm superficial. if i can't stand your looks, i won't be talking to u.
if i look at u but i dun speak, it's not coz i can't stand your looks, it's just that your looks take my breath away. (either that or your heart.. or voice..)
i'm honey-tongued.
ppl say i say sweet stuff.
some pple say i say sour-stuff.
i tease them more than i compliment them..
pple say i say too sweet stuff.
they say i'll get diabetes.
they say i'm a liar, n a flirt.
they say i'm both.
i'm fickle..
m i nice?

i like to have fun. i like to play.
if i'm playing, but i'm not having fun, y should i play?
somethings u do things coz of the ppl around u, not coz of the thing u're doing.
mayb it's time to stop.
time to move on? time will tell...
i make no sense again.
i'm stupid.

sleep. nite.