it's that time of the year...

it's that time of the year!
yup folks, it's time for me to beat the race against the clock! to pass my IPPT b4 my birthday; to hopefully get a gold; to run faster for 2.4km.
today's results:
Sit-up. 40. 5pts.
S.B.J. 243cm. 5pts.
Chin Up. 8. 3pts.
4x10m. 9.9s. 5pts.
2.4km. Fallout.
heh. yeah i fell out after the 5th lap. was walking for most of the 5th lap, n probably half of 4th lap too! can't seem to keep the pace after the 1km mark.. i need training. i wanna blame it on the numbness i felt in my arms after doin pull ups (just before the 2.4km run) but i think i only have my lack of fitness to blame ultimately. could feel stitches creeping in barely after finishing the 1st lap.. (fyi, did my IPPT at Khatib, so 2.4km was conducted on a running track. it's been ages since i ran on one.)

mood swings? oh right. mood swings. nothing much. just constantly tired, with bursts of hyper-activity. usually cheerful, mostly irritable, sometimes moody, occasionally angry, and rarely down (gloomy).
i do feel like being alone though. but i don't wanna at the same time. so many things to do. no one to do them with, no time to do them, no will to do them. i feel on a different wavelength from everyone. weird. heh.

i hate crowds. mayb it's coz of the physical constraint. mayb it's coz i'm mildly claustrophobic. maybe it's coz i hate the stench. maybe it's coz i tend to initiate hyperventilate1.01 whenever my personal space is being constricted.
or maybe i'm juz a very proud egoistical person. (huh? what does pride got to do with this?) well, i dislike the insignificance of being in a crowd. alone, in wide open spaces, the focus is inward; the focus is me. despite my self-hate, i'm probably quite a narcist. that explains my super ego at things that i do relatively well at (with respect to my other skills or other people). i'm a disgusting character, so you should all go away. yeah. stay away =p haha. :)

newayz after IPPT, stoned on uber long train ride home. i took a long detour n juz stoned.. listening to my mp3s.. drifting away. i think that sums up my life. a drifter. bum. stoner. well, not as well as ben does it. he's the pro of stoning ha. i like to share too much =,='" i'm home now, n i shd b getting some work done. that's all for now. tata.

==EnD==

The two things that you should never waste time on.
1) Feeling sorry for yourself. It gets you nowhere.
2) Unreciprocated grudge. Worse than unreciprocated love, this is an emotion that'll eat you up from inside. Hate and anger is the worst possible combination, and in this you find both. It's pointless because most of the time, there's no logical explanation for such a feeling, and you'll rarely find a rational excuse to continue bearing that grudge. (The target of your grudge will go "huh? he hates me?". Chew on that)

Love
Ambrose
Self-declared Guru in need of help

I got bored..

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes3.asp
http://typelogic.com/istp.html

IstP.
-bleah-

Final Fantasy Excitement

Listening to Cascada now. And i'm freaking excited :)
no not about the impending doom aka the physics test (shyt i've yet to REALLY start studying.. well, started a LITTLE.. ^_^), but about Final Fantasy.
Aside from the ever-constant gnawing in me to get back to WoW, and the rush i get just DREAMING of getting back to mindless grinding of levels on a new rogue, i'm just in love with what i've heard of FFXIII.
"Compilation: Final Fantasy VII" project has got many ppl talking already, with the highly-anticipated remake, and the other games already in the market like Dirge of Cerebus, Before Crisis, and new release Crisis Core. I'm so at a lost of which to get 1st, and knowing my budget, i'll probably get none (already have dirge, but i've yet to get FFXII, so the rest will have to wait.. and i dun have a PsP to play Crisis Core!!)
But FFXIII is RoCkInG the WORLD! Awesome graphics, Loads of plot mysteries, and guess wat? TWO FFXIII to be released simultaneously. Well, not sure if they're to be released together, but FFXIII and FFXIII Versus are very inter-related, yet totally different. I've yet to watch the trailers, and the full reviews aren't out yet, but the tidbits offered to Gamespy by SquareEnix has gotten the RPG lover in me salivating ^_^
Search Them out @ gamespy.com. ya gotta love their reviews and dedication to the gaming community =) n i LOVE Fargo ^^
keke. work work. enough of excitement. Cascada's is zoning me out.. =p

today's post

okok. i know. lame post title. but what m i to do? it's 3am in the morn, n i'm out of creative juice =p (not that i'm creative to begin with =p)
newayz, mourinho has been sacked (termination by mutual consent is the official news though), which i'm very sad to hear, and man u won 1-0, of which i'm delighted about =) i've got a test in... 7hrs? n i'm still awake eating 7-11 mash potato n drinking ice lemon tea =p oh, n blogging this post =p
I missed my IPPT yesterday (ie Thursday)!! ZomG... i was soooo late... shyt =p nvm. muz book another day. more time to train.. ... after today :)
I'm getting lazy.... .... .... wait i've always been like that =p
Thanks Sitoh for introducing Within Temptation to me! Awesome music. You've got me hooked *grinz* Everyone should check it out =D
Thanks Cheng Teng for linking http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/97. even if you aren't a psych major, u'd still wanna check this out =D
Thanks Meisi for your Soci Tutorial! I now know how MUCH I have to catch up with =p
Thanks Brig for always crapping with me online. You brighten up my night ^^
Thanks Xinwei for ALSO crapping with me online :) I'm expecting those baked cookies!! or whatever u're gonna bake =p i just pray they're edible MuaHaHA! =p
Thanks lula for making me jealous =p you got a SLICK SEXY BLACK DSLite!! c'mon!! life juz ain't fair haha =p (i think silver/gold's better tho.. black just reminds me of PsP *cries*)
zen! hope your life is happening ^^ if not, call me (your ever-reliable hotline =p) n i'll inject some fun and excitement!! ... i hope =p haha!
Thanks mark for meeting up today (n returning me $$ hehe) :) u n edwin enjoy raiding tonight!! .. if u can get patched in time for the raid Muahaha!! =,='"
k back to work/study/food =) i miss... everybody ^^ and nobody... meh! -bleah!-

happy birthday tricia n jon! ^_^

Champions League Fever

Today, I called in "sick". missed most of my school day coz i feel i need my sleep =p
stayed up and caught most of the champion's league action last night, and will do so later tonight =)
Man Utd's playing tonight! woo hoo!! i won't do this often tho.. as in, the calling in sick part =p but I'm definitely ALL for watching Champion's League ^_^
Got an IPPT at Khatib Camp tmw. Didn't train. Will use tmw as a gauge.
Thanks Meisi for agreeing to lend me your soci tutorial notes :) will cya tmw ^^ meh... u dun have my blog do u? u won't read this newayz ><'"

Ambrose meets Astro!!

Ambrose sees cute hyperactive dog. Ambrose stunned. Ambrose smiles. Astro shows affection. Ambrose and Astro become good friends. Ambrose and Astro play for 1hr+ =)
hehe. Astro is jie's dog! and he's 1yr old!! like.. juz last wk or something was his bday =D Happy belated birthday Astro! XD
i've seriously NEVER seen a dog so hyper like Astro =) he was like.. jumping all OVER the place ^^ luckily he doesn't shed much, or so jie said =) but.. juz b4 i left jie's place, felt my nose startin to itch. feeling the effects now. nose feels a little flared up =( but it's worth it ^^ get to see jie! n get to see Astro! lol with a name like that, i can juz imagine him with a cloak and flying off to save the world ala Underdog! LOL =p he looks the part too!!!
today, had lunch at some place @ upper thomson. indian restaurant. n WoAh. my murtabak was HUGE. nice food tho =) but.. i won't wanna eat it again any time soon =p kinda rich =) enjoyed my time with Edwin, Brigette and Debbie ^_^ we went to see monkeys at Upper Pierce Reservoir!! =D and the awesome reservoir view too :) we stoned for quite awhile there haha..
then there was Icekimo! @ thomson. i LOVE their espresso ice cream! i mean... they're the pwnzor HAHA =p
yeah.. u can tell i had a great thursday =D sorry i didn't have lunch w meisi tho.. =( i feel Soooooo bad abandoning ya..

I'm soooo happy today! Just got news that UCEP has accepted NUSSU's proposals for review of new S/U policies and there're now gonna be works on a possible one-off exercise for students to reconsider usage of S/U on previous modules! =) well, only to remove, not to use them. but that might just pull up my CAP by 0.2!! that's enough to get me above CAP2.0 again!! w/o even considering this sem's results!! wooohooo!! =)
*sings* i won't get expelled... i won't get expelled!! la la la la laaaa la ^_^ hahaha!!!
oh, n it's been agreed that they'll extend new S/U policies to ALL undergraduates, regardless of batch/intake ^_^ that's like... AWESOME. =) i mean.. totally :)

LCCI Elementary Accounting ie. lvl1 exam is this saturday... i'm DAMN nervous lah!! i need to study... hope i pass!! dammit... freaking afraid i won't pass *cries*
speaking of exams... i'm like SOooooo behind on most of my modules.. i need to start working harder.. like... VERY MUCH HARDER =p
this is gonna sound stupid, but i'm gonna motivate myself to STOP playing ANY MORE DUMB GAMES. been playing Winning Eleven and Football Manager recently... to fill up the void of lack of gaming. I. MUST. STOP. For the greater good of WoW gaming when semester ends ROFLMAO!!! =,='" i'm lifeless =p
then again, i gotta quote brian's MSN personal message: "I don't need to get a life. I'm a gamer. I have LOTS of 'life'."
HAHA awesome i swearz ^_^ n WoW-ers have our beloved spirit rezzers =p

I'm worried. Spiritually, I'm feelin the drain. I'm deviating from my intended path. I'm over-rationalizing things. And I'm still chained to my past.
It's funny.
I was walking by a temple today. Upon smelling the incense drifting out from it, I have the strong urge to feel reverence and respect for the place. Not that we shouldn't respect others religion, but it's not my religion anymore, so i shouldn't feel compelled to do any such thing.. right?
is nurturing so strong that it's an overriding factor to your daily decision-making? how can I ever fully be a man of God? or rather, a servant of God.
I hate my rational self sometimes =p n.. I need to stop hating myself =p

I must have been high on happy thoughts today.. drunk on them even. I was so open with what I said today.. as in, I thoughts and everything was just laid to bare..
the one thing i said which stuck to me was... that i'm a walking (living) hypocrite.
that what i do, the feelings i portray, may be me, and yet not me. that my heart is so cold. so darn cold. and the truth is, it's not that far off. i can be quite cold. i guess that explains the lack of tears shed during occasions of death, the lack of emotions. i'm emotional in that i have a temper and all, n i love and hate and all that.. but. i think.. i lack the intensity of some of them.. and sometimes i lack them altogether.
I participated in a pyschology research experiment. it asked me to think of one incident when i felt gratitude. I. Was. Stumped. I couldn't recall ANY. It took me quite awhile to recall one. And even then, I'm not sure too.
I thought mayb it's coz, by nature, i'm normally the giver rather than the receiver? but then, mayb it's juz coz i'm cold. like. so. cold. not socially cold, juz emotionally cold.
Mayb me being friendly is just a farce. Just something I grew into over the many years I've lived. Mayb the true me isn't supposed to be sociable and friendly.
And you know the scary thing? I won't be surprised either if that were true...

p.s. Planning Gathering for Mark's OG (not my OG. I can't claim that, can I now? =p) cycling @ east coast?? :) working on details.
p.p.s. jia you shan! u should have done your essay by the time u read this. enjoy your wk end, n stay fresh for the new challenges ahead! :)

thanks kor..

haha i think i drank too much chivas =p
... actually.. it was only 3 glass =,='"
but.. after the bus ride.. really buay tong liao.. head was spinning like mad.. so i puked =p hurray!! my first puking from drinking! and i can still remember it clear as day! ^^
meh.. kor said is coz i didn't eat dinner =,='"

i'm gonna be a tipster today. yesterday, kor asked me to check switz-chile score. i told him it'll be 2-1 =p kor wasn't happy with my predictions, but... unfortunately it turned out true :(
so today! i'm gonna bank on my feelings again. i usually get it wrong when i have heart strings attached to a team, so the match i'm predicting today is always gonna be tricky... england vs israel.
i'm not gonna predict score today. checked the odds at singapore pools, it's about $2 for england(-1.5). i'm gonna bank my money on that :) nope i'm not gonna buy, coz i have bad betting luck. but that's my predictions. englands gonna win by a 2goal margin.
i can't wait for tonight.. i bet i'm gonna get this wrong.. coz england sux atm. budden.. heck :) i'll go with them =p

oh! and did i mention i was an italy fan? =) found a fellow italy fan in kor's fren eva :) meh.. but that's something else altogether.

Mental Agility - the Working Class divide.

i have to admit. i've been living in a relatively utopian environment. despite all my "bragging" that i try to step into others shoes, to see things from others perspective, to not assume others are as priviledged as me..
it's only now that i see the difference. the social divide.

Being a student, we're constantly honing our mental skills, our thought processes. Actively exploring the world, probing ideas, dissing fallacies.. we fail to understand what it means to be an adult. a Working adult.
Working dulls your mental agility. If mental agility can be described as a sword, then a working adult's would be like a blunt, worn sword, or worse yet, a sword with no edge. Working in the world beyond school introduces to you monotony. It introduces routines, schedules, protocols, systems, of which you cannot escape. It robs you of the thing(s) that's most valued in higher education circles: creativity, or more so, the ability to think.
unable to express individuality, restricted of an identity, you become a corporate clone, an industrial drone. Such is the fate of those who're stuck in the lower recesses of the working society; unseen, unheard, we know not of their plight, for neither do they. where self-awareness is a myth, and flexibility of the mind is but a dream, an idealistic one at that.

why do i go to such lengths to describe and "exaggerate" (supposingly) our society, and our lower educated working class? we've all got relatives or acquaintances who're lesser educated than university students, and yet we're blind to such details. Is it really because we're too naive? or too caught up in our own world to notice?
i do know this. that our lesser educated brethens are grinding through life. that they're constantly looking for upgrades and improvement. that they're looking for an escape route. for a freedom they cannot yet comprehend. they struggle with the nature of our life, just as we will struggle to adjust to theirs in the coming decades.
i do not know whether to feel priviledged, to aid them, or to condemn our society structures failings, to blame singapore's favourite pin-up hate-boys (the government). is there an alternative, in our modern industrailized (and digitalized) globalising society? is this even a problem to contemplate?

the government introduces initiatives to aid and push along our labor force's drive for improvements, drive for upgrades. but are these "upgrades" hyped up? they are but a means to an end, and that end being a better life. i do not condemn the quest of knowledge. i question, instead, my being; who I am, relative to the great big world. One day, I'll find the answer.. I'll find my place. For now, i'm just another lonely traveller, on the journey through Life.

Secret

PS2102 should be renamed ST0131 =p i mean.. they're teaching statistics! ... elementary style =D i like the intellectual discussions, but i don't like the debates about stats analysis.. coz i've been exposed to enough stats, i don't wanna hear anymore!! arts student are awesome ppl.. but when it comes to stats... they can be quite idiots. to the extent that i'm in a stat(e) of shock. with the exclusion of economics majors :)
funny thing is.. econs majors tend to explain everything in either words or diagrams... i seem to think of everything in mathematical equations! zomg.. i'm in the wrong faculty (oh wait.. i AM a sci student! ... ... damn).. either that, or i've been too exposed to the Science culture =,='"
so tutorials ended, and i was met with a curtain of pouring rain; screening what's plainly in clear view from sight. walked the sheltered pathway to the bus stop and hopped onto a 96. rushed to JEC just in time for Secret. there were still tickets ^_^

i LOVE it. i mean, i'm emo. i'm a romance freak. and Secret was AWESOME. it's so sweet, it melts the heart. and there was that chemistry between the lovers.. it was so special. and the best part of it? the soundtrack. B-E-A-Utiful music.
this movie feeds off all your romantic fantasies. it really lets you step into the shoes of the protaganist(s) and feel.. it's almost as if you could reach out and touch the screen and.. "feel" love. i don't regret watching it one bit. and surprisingly, i don't regret watching it alone either :)
i wanna watch it again!! ^^
i guess. i gotta believe.. that being in love is about chemistry mostly. you can create it, imitate it, but how long can that last? the best lovers aren't those with a long history of relationships.. it's those who are living on the same level(frequency) and growing together(at the same rate) throughout their relationship. *damn.. even in descriptions, i gotta resort to mathematical breakdown and analysis.. wahaha!!*
meh. but if i believe that, then.. i gotta wait a looooong time b4 i find my other half haha! ah well. no difference to my life i guess =D

i'm surviving for now, but i need to work harder. semester's getting more cramped up, and i need to start pushing myself. LCCI accounts&bookkeeping exams are coming up soon too! i better start studying.. HARD. or else....
it's nice meeting up with people. it's nice being alone as well. ya noe what the funny thing is? i like being with ppl.. but i wanna be "alone" with ppl i noe. weird huh? i can talk alot, but thats society dictating my actions. it's become inborn, for me to fill up the silence between, coz ppl feel awkward and leave me if i don't.. but all i really want is to juz spend time together.. we don't even need to say anything.
i guess that's why i can hang with some ppl. like mark, darryl.. we can talk, but we can juz shuddup and go about with whatever. it's nice to have frenz like that.
i guess, that's why people call me weird :)

p.s. i need to refine my labels more. i'm unused to this... labelling =p but for now... SPAM!! ^_^

the Lord's prayer..

just something we covered in CG today :)
Matthew 6:9-13

"This, then, is how you should pray:
" 'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.'

- NIV Bible

it's nice to see all you guys again ^^ i miss you guys *hugs*

was also great meetin up with darryl, yi tong, and kevin. missed you guys lots too haha.

urm. back to life then :) happy happy ^^ edited: http://www.proofthatgodexists.org check it out =D