Ranting, a verbalised form of barking

My commitments to studies.
To friendships.
To family.
To work.
To play.
Every promise I make is a chain I shackle upon myself.
24/7 hotline indeed...

ok so i exaggerate. but it's in part true.
i've discovered a little bit more about myself today. i don't really prioritise friends above myself. it's just the promises i make that i prioritise. especially promises to others.
i'm seriously having one of my mood swings again. not the angry type, but the "don't feel like doing anything wasting life away" bummer kinda mood swing.
but i've arranged for some events so i had to get them done. put on happy face. socialise. when i rather just bum and stone. wasting myself away.. alone.. somewhere..

it's not that i don't enjoy the company of others.. it's just that sometimes i get into this kinda moods, and i can't seem to figure out why. n i can't drop and run from reality either. so yeah, i'm stuck.
why the need to socialise anyway? you know what the sad thing is? if i stopped socialising with ppl, ppl will forget me. i doubt i'll be friends with so many if i clammed myself shut. i want friends, and yet i'm not willing to put in the effort in maintaining that friendship. i'm selfish i know. selfish, and lazy -,-'"

i just wanna sleep through this part of my life. i know life is supposed to be meaningful, but right now that's quite hard to see. i need to get away. once i'm done with exams, n post-exam celebrations (a social event), i'll find a way. just stone at home, or rot in a lan shop somewhere, or something along those lines.

i need to hibernate...