the Buay Tahan post

yah.. can't stand it..
read Jonathan's posts n just wanna cry w him.
y got friends hurting so much n we can't do anything but watch?
y do i always have to be the one at the side while everyone else seems to be able to help?
y r the bad guys better liked than the "good guys"?
y m i stuck in between in no-man's land? neither good nor bad??
i hate feeling helpless, not being able to do anything for anyone..
yah n i dun really care about myself so to pple who keep caring for me, thx.. i need them n yet i dun.. haha..
yes Jon songs ALWAYS pull the heart strings.. if there're no songs, movies n games n all things in life won't carry the same meaning.. silence is horribly deafening..
if only we were emotionless sods.. maybe we'd be able to move on better..
well i dunno if i have.. maybe i gotta try finding that out like u did.. ha..
lynn... read your post.. bout the lonely city hall shopping n all.. n scarily.. i find myself in that kind of situation ALL THE TIME.. makes me feel so lonely.. n yet.. strangely, there's sort of a comfort in it.. apparently i've grown so accustomed to loneliness, i might juz shun company..
maybe that's y i prefer goin out w frenz 1-1 only.. can't do group..
but i always find myself a passenger in group outings.. i think i have a vouyeur mentality.. i like looking at things from the outside.. i like seeing life pass me by.. i like seeing my frenz having fun.. it's ok if i'm not the one c8ing the fun, as long as i'm there to see it..
coz i noe i'm a HORRIBLY boring person to talk to.. i'm VERY narrow-minded, horribly un-opinioted, n if i do have a pt of view, it's usually unfounded ie no proof or justification.. n i noe that u guys r laughing inside everytime i stammer.. yah i can't speak coherently.. n i hate myself for being too loud.. i wanna hear, yet i wanna speak.. n it's sooo bloody confusing it's irritating..
doh.. Jon speaks wise words.. there're 2 choices: one the right one, one the easy one. usually we take the latter but that's usually wrong too..
sighz.. guess i gotta stop running away.. guess i gotta start studying.. fuck.. i've thrown away another semester.. hope i can graduate.. elaine jie.. missing u really.. no one in sch to pei wo le.. sufei jie oso.. go mexico never tell me..
*cries* so lonely.. haiz.. n broke.. no money for bowling..
damn..
i think.. i think.. i'll be alone again. hermit..
urm.. happy birthday to all the pple i may forget saying well-wishes to: Casey, Zhimin, Baey, Elaine, Joline, Rachel, Teng Whye... can't remember anymore atm.. well.. December's gonna be lonely.. haha..
zzz.. wtf have i been saying.. nvm.. i'll blog this incoherent piece of shit..
i'm a bum.. a slacker, a stoner, a lifeless heap.. n no one but myself can save me.
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