Lies..
I hate living a lie. My memory's hazy. Everything I think they were, aren't. Some things I thought were there, weren't.
On checking some hard records, I've found that quite a chunk of my memory is warped. Inaccurate. LIES. I can't tell what's true anymore. All this while I've been trying not to tell lies, and I find out that everything I say may just be a lie.. I just don't know it yet.
I should just shut up. I can't tell past from present, or if the past even occured; dreams from reality even.. the lines are blurred.. so blurred I can't tell the difference anymore.
Sleep. Maybe that's why it's the only thing I'm most inclined to do. Sleep, and run away. heh. even nowadays I can't get a decent sleep. I keep having dreams I can't remember.. I don't remember having dreams in my sleep.. or do I?
Gahh! Why oh Why must I be a Walking Lie! A hypocrite! They were right all along! oh they were so right to call me so. It wasn't them who were wrong, it was me..
I've applied for a transfer to FASS. I don't know what the outcome will be. I'd like people to pray for me. I wish I'd pray for myself. I can't help anybody if I can't help myself.. but oh, Ambrose always likes to do things he can't do 1st. Ambrose skips steps. Ambrose is impatient. That's why Ambrose is stuck in No Man's Land.. where he belongs.
One day.. driftin away.. I might find myself in a wonderland, never sleeping, never waking.. that day feels soon.. I hope not. Do I?
On checking some hard records, I've found that quite a chunk of my memory is warped. Inaccurate. LIES. I can't tell what's true anymore. All this while I've been trying not to tell lies, and I find out that everything I say may just be a lie.. I just don't know it yet.
I should just shut up. I can't tell past from present, or if the past even occured; dreams from reality even.. the lines are blurred.. so blurred I can't tell the difference anymore.
Sleep. Maybe that's why it's the only thing I'm most inclined to do. Sleep, and run away. heh. even nowadays I can't get a decent sleep. I keep having dreams I can't remember.. I don't remember having dreams in my sleep.. or do I?
Gahh! Why oh Why must I be a Walking Lie! A hypocrite! They were right all along! oh they were so right to call me so. It wasn't them who were wrong, it was me..
I've applied for a transfer to FASS. I don't know what the outcome will be. I'd like people to pray for me. I wish I'd pray for myself. I can't help anybody if I can't help myself.. but oh, Ambrose always likes to do things he can't do 1st. Ambrose skips steps. Ambrose is impatient. That's why Ambrose is stuck in No Man's Land.. where he belongs.
One day.. driftin away.. I might find myself in a wonderland, never sleeping, never waking.. that day feels soon.. I hope not. Do I?
posted by DaDeGea at 3:18:00 AM
3 Comments:
heyyo.. zheng zhao chuan. not sure if u'll ever come across this comment.. so is this what u mean by lying to urself? dun worry, u wun be alone. At least now u know that u're wrong and are trying to change it rite? =) cheerS!~
ps.. u better know who i am.. muahahha
and anyway, u're nice just as you are ^^, well, at least that's what i feel
hehe u dig deep =p
yeah of course i noe who you are ;) you're that warm and fuzzy feeling i get everytime i feel cold, down and out ;D
thanks for your vote of confidence :) nah, there's a lot more than juz this (this is juz an aspect of the problem i guess), but yeah this was a problem i faced last year.. i was shock by the number of inaccuracies in my life... but yeah, i hope i'm a better person now :)
Love,
郑兆川 =D
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