bumming... bummer... bummed.

floating....

life feels like that... u're like a bubble in a vast body of liquid. sometimes bubbles will bump up near u n move along w u. some u see from far away..

like a bubble, life is fragile... u never noe when one will burst... n whether that one.. is YOU.

death is all around. everyday. humans were blessed/cursed with the ability to think, to feel. that's y we're the only living beings who commemorate death. we have death anniversary, funerals, mourning periods, remembrance.. blah.

to think... so many a times, i find myself saying "there's only 2 types of guys: those who think too much, n does that think too little". of course, my female companions will correct me and say that "guys don't think at all!". welll then.. ;)

i should be studying. coffee keeps me awake sometimes. the comp definitely keeps me up. not sure bout alcohol tho.

smoking?? y did that cross my mind? oh yeah... coz it's around me everyday. yeah juz smth passing thru my brain. nope i don't smoke. stop asking. stop smoking in front of my face. yes i can tolerate u smoking. no my nose isn't happy w alot of things, n smoke is not my best friend. yes one day i might juz grab that stick from u, light it up, n kill myself.

floating.. what happens when someone dies a non-christian? n if u pray for his or her soul? what CAN u pray for?? a soul departed n condemned to hell.. what CAN u pray for? REST IN PEACE??!! dammit..

i respect individual choice n opinion, n personal freedom of choice n ya-da-ya-da...

but i contradict myself w my actions more often than not.

i can be strongly opiniated at times... n unreasonably too. i suxxor...

where did $$ fly to? i miss bowling. i need to study. i need to pray. i need to read the Bible. i need to reflect. i need to preach. i need God. i need a break. i need to stop playing. i need to get away. i need to STOP getting away. i wanna stop school. i need to stop WANTING to stop school. i NEED MY LIFE BACK.

fuck off. no i'm not angry this time. i'm messed up. that's all. no dun fret bout me. i'm all right. coz if u ask me what's wrong, i'll be left speechless. there's nothing wrong w my life. nothing i can change newayz. it's like holding onto a PS2 controller n controlling your character... only to find out that u're holding on to the wrong controller... @ Stage5-1 of the game. -,-'" ppl ask y i'm doin this, y i'm doin tt, wat i plan to do, n all tt crap.

but for all the answers i give, i'm not even sure of them myself. i'm living a lie, n i'm living in the darkness of ignorance. ignorance is bliss? i doubt so. but knowledge isn't any better.

Thank God for family, Thank God for friends. Now if only i noe they'll all be there when i need them n not wink out/drift away/pop like a bubble.. one at a time.

p.s. my sis is in JC. she's grown up. she did good. she's well. i hope. wanna noe more? ask. n no guys, she ain't pretty, so bugger off w yur hormone-charged thoughts.

p.p.s. i teachz ENGLISH??!! yesh i do. God help that poor child.