..Ambrose vs Amroui..

The End

2009-07-03T04:29:00.001+08:00

This blog is dead.
Thanks for staying till now.
I will no longer update this blog.

Cheers.

The old man and the boy

2009-05-05T07:03:00.003+08:00

Today was the inauguration of a junior angel. After the celebrations were over, God pulled the junior angel aside. The junior angel, joyious from the celebrations, asked God to join in the merry-making. God politely declined.
"Why not?" asked the angel.
"I have a question for you." The angel probed further, but got nothing more from God.
He led them to the gates of heaven. God raised His hand and pointed to the gates. The angel followed God's hand. There, on the other side of the gate, stood an old man and a boy.
The old man's face was wrinkled with age, and he looked regal with his hair swept back and long flowing white robes. The boy was scrawny, garbed in dirty-looking rags twice his size. The boy caught the gaze of the angel, and quickly turned away.
God spoke, "Who of the two is the wiser, young one".
The angel took in the two of them again. The boy, his head bowed, never once looked up. The old man, with a gentle smile and eyes with a twinkle of spirit in them, nodded gracefully at the attention of the angel.
Swift was the angel's reply. "The old man, of course."
God laughed a hearty laugh, which puzzled the angel so. "Is that not so, my Lord?"
And such was God's reply.

"At first glance, it may seem so, for the years has been blessed upon the man who lived a longer life than the boy. He has been through more experiences, and has seen plenty more. But is that what being wise truly means?"
"The man was born into a family of affluence. He has led a charmed life. You might like to think of his life as that of Jobs': he had every material need he asked for. He was the heir of a business dynasty. So he led his life as the heir, the successor, the head, and finally the ancestor of that dynasty, eventually passing on all his material wealth and success to his heir and son. The hardship that he knew was the work he encountered, and he knew it well, for it was in his family and in his blood. His marriages were arranged, and life was orderly."
"But he knew not of the things of importance."
The angel opened his mouth to speak, and God allowed him to. "But surely, being in a position high in society, and being able to live through the years, speaks volumes of the knowledge he has gained. That must surely amount to something."
To that, God replied. "But what did he live for? What did he die for? Hear the story of the boy, and reconsider your opinion."
"The boy led a short life on the mortal plane, and if I were to tell you the details of his life, it would be insignificant. I would, however, relate the last 5 days of that boy's life to you."
"5 days before he arrived here, he learned about Love. The love of one's mother, as she died to save her only son. The love from a fellow human, as the soldier who killed his mother defended his life against the inhumanity of the slaughter from that said soldier's fellow men."
"4 days before he arrived here, he learned of Fellowship and Lost. He felt the bond developed between his orphan friend, as they embarked on a journey out of the warzone, seeking sanctuary. He also felt the lost of said fellowship, when his friend died from a landmine blast while they scavenged for food."
"3 days before he arrived here, he learned of Compassion. He understood sharing, felt hunger and experienced the joy of having that hunger cured. He stumbled upon a family taking refuge in an abandoned warehouse. The family was surviving, but barely doing so. The father saw him, looked to his wife, and said, 'We have 4 mouths to feed, and only enough for 3. There's barely enough to go around.' His wife replied, 'Now we have 5 mouths to feed, and there will be enough. I will not stand by while another suffer.' That night, he understood Joy and Bliss."
"2 days before he arrived here, he understood Life and Death. In the morning, he bade farewell to the hospitable family who gave him a roof over his head for a day. He felt like he could look forward to the future. He felt he could look at tomorrow, and not fear it. He knew that his past was what brought him here today, and he did not fear it either. He knew that today was all he had now, the present that he must cherish. Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. The three components of Life. In the evening, just before the last ray of light gave out, he reached a fence. A man-made border, and a symbol of Hope, for beyond that fence, he believed Freedom lay. It was there that he was shot. He felt Pain, and Hope seemed to drain away as blood flowed from his right shoulder. He felt Life flow away as the darkness of night fell, and Death beckoned like a lullaby lulling him to sleep."
"Yesterday.."
"What did he learn yesterday?" the angel asked.
"Yesterday, he lied on the earth. His heartbeat slowed with every minute passed. He felt himself returning to where he belonged. He smiled as he thought about all the things he has learned. He smiled as he got to know Me. Yesterday, he learned about God. He saw me, as I saw him. There, he gave his life to Me."
"You see, my child, the wise do not fear death, for fearing death would mean to fear Me. In knowing Me, he knew that his time on earth was temporary; that all things material will come to an end. He knew it, and with that knowledge, he felt humbled in My presence."
"And the old man?" probed the angel.
"He knew none of this. He may be wise, but the young one is wiser."

-=Fin=-

p.s. I hope in no way I've spoken blasphemy against God. I felt an urgent need to encompass my ideals of life into a post, and felt the best way to do so was with a story. Not elegantly crafted, and perhaps a little too shallow, but I hope that some of it rubs of you. Forgive me if I've offended anyone.

Blood+

2009-04-21T04:55:00.002+08:00

This is a cool vid I found of the opening title of an anime I recently started watching. The song, Aozora no Namida by Takahashi Hitomi, is the 1st opener for the anime Blood+. This vid features a few cut scenes. Not sure if they're from the series itself, or specially drawn for this music vid. Either way, cool vid, awesome song.

It's gonna be a Blue final

2009-04-20T02:57:00.002+08:00

In today's FA Cup Semi-final, Manchester United lost to Everton on penalties, 4-2. The score after extra-time was 0-0.
Chelsea, after beating Arsenal yesterday, will face off with Everton in the finals at Wembley. Both blues (Chelsea and Everton) overcame their red adversaries (Arsenal and Manchester United) to book a place in the final.
Lucky Colour of the Week: Blue.
Penalty summary:
Everton's Cahill starts his run up.. and blasts the ball up and over the bar!
United's Berbatov steps up to the spot. He shoots. . . Howard saves! Berba's cheeky pass down the middle was stopped by Tim's legs. Howard jumped to his right but somehow managed to get his legs in the way of Berba's shot.
Everton's regular penalty taker Baine steps up. He shoots. . and SCORES! Slams the ball into the roof of the net. Foster stood no chance.
It's United's captain, Rio Ferdinand, to take United's 2nd penalty. Rio sends the ball to his left. . . but Howard palms it away! 1-0 to Everton!
Former United player Phil Neville, and Everton's captain, steps up to take the third penalty. He starts his run up.. and calmly sends Foster the wrong way. 2-0. The ball snuggled into the bottom left corner.
United sends Vidic for the 3rd penalty. Vidic is taking quite a long run up. He starts his run. . oh! Vidic checks his run! Howard is caught off-guard. Vidic continues his run up. . and dispatches it into the bottom left corner! Howard dived the wrong way! The ball went in off the post!
It's 2-1 now. Game on. Everton's extra-time substitute, Vaughan, takes on Foster for the fourth penalty. Vaughan starts his run-up, and scores! Foster went the right way, but was helpless against a shot of such calibre. 3-1 to Everton.
If United misses this penalty, It'll be all over for the Red Devils. Anderson steps up to the task. He starts his run. . and calmly dispatches the penalty. 3-2. Anderson winks to the fans ;) There's a glimmer of hope for United.
Everton's Jagielka will be taking the fifth penalty. If this goes in, it'll be all over for United Quintuple dreams. Jagielka starts his run. . and SCORES! 4-2 is the final score, on penalties; Everton have booked their tickets to the FA Cup Final!

Drift and the Rain

2009-04-19T06:20:00.005+08:00

On my way home today, drove quite fast. West side drizzling, road was wet. Car was wobbly. Mayb I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I took the corner from Brickland Road into CCK ave3 @ 60-100kmph (not sure of speed. I started braking from 100kmph, but only turned into corner a little later). I don't know why, but I didn't release my brake at all. My tires locked up, and I skidded like mad. Luckily at 40kmph, just before bumping the traffic light, I released the brakes abit, and car snapped out of the skid. I applied a little acceleration and managed to crawl to the next traffic light.
Zzz.. my thought process just froze. didn't react at all. I'm disappointed with myself. Luckily nothing happened. Twisted my wrist abit too holding the steering wheel in a very awkward position through that turn.
Bowled at Mt Faber SAFRA before this. out of 6 games, had two 20X games. one 200, one 202. I'm happy :) It's been quite awhile since I got scores like that. But, my release is super inconsistent with my new drilling. Need more practise.
Rain. When travelling at 100+kmph and hitting a puddle of water, the effect of water resistence is felt alot more. Must remember that. Was travelling along Jurong Town Hall road. Just past the Science Centre omw to Bt Batok Rd le when I hit a big puddle while travelling on the right most lane. The puddle slows the speed of the right side of my car relative to the left, causing my car to veer towards the right. Almost went up the curb wor haha. Lucky I reacted to that in time.
Don't know why I didn't travel slower. Mayb coz I wanted to get home faster. But I think it's coz.. I juz felt everything was going so slow. 90-110kmph felt.. normal =,='"

Sleep,
Ambrose

Piao Yi

2009-04-14T06:22:00.006+08:00

Jay Chou-Drifting - Jay Chou

If only I could drift my car as well as I drift through life . . .
Ah well. I'm a safe driver. I SWEARZZzzz.
. . .NOT!

I feel tired. I lack direction, energy, motivation in life. I hope that will change.
And yet, I hope it won't. Life feels so serene now.

If anyone is interested in purchasing any IT related products, please contact me. Just leave a comment or tag here, or call/sms me :)
Alternatively, you may visit http://www.pricewar.com.sg . However, the site is currently being revamped, so it would be preferable if you contact me directly with regards to any purchase. You can also email me any enquires at ambrose@pricewar.com.sg .

Today was damn fun. First time live fishing ie. not in fishing pond. I caught... ONE SUPER SMALL ?boxfish? (looks like a puffer fish, but squarish haha) super energetic lor tt fish haha. but so small! gimme false hope only haha. Was with Yi Tong. My "boss" haha =p

Sigh.. the ITE short course I wanted to apply for maxed out le. Have to wait for next window... IN JULY!?! zzz.. I refuse to wait 3 months for it. I'm gonna find alternatives.

Met Zhimin today while out with friends playing billiard haha. So coincidence.
Today met alot of ppl wor. In NUS I saw (but didn't say hi) to Faith from my PS module proj last time, and my CG mates Ray and Kelvin. I think I saw Diana too.. ahhh but wat the heck eh? Barely acquaintance newayz bah..

Today also commemorates the longest blogpost I've done in.. MONTHS! hurray! XP

I'm also considering starting up another blog site to blog about the animes I've watched :)

Speaking of blogs, Pauline from my Stats class has started a blog-shop!
Do feel free to check it out! http://meek-concept.blogspot.com

KK. that's all for now. Good Morning/Nitez! :)

FB Quiz

2009-04-05T07:29:00.002+08:00

So i did a quiz on facebook, that supposedly links my birthday with my personality.
and here's the result. . .

"December
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical."

True? False? you decide. I honestly think that this is quite close to the truth. Then again, most of these quiz give ambiguous answers that suits most personality traits ;p

CHiii!!!

2009-03-27T05:23:00.002+08:00

Chobits!!!!

Chii! Chii! CHII! :)

Anime Tidbits

2009-03-07T21:31:00.002+08:00

What does Bleach's Urahara Kisuke and Initial D's Fujiwara Takumi have in common?
What does Naruto's Uchiha Sasuke and Bleach's Ishida Uryuu have in common?
They both share the same seiyū (Japanese voice actor) !!

Urahara Kisuke (浦原喜助) and Fujiwara Takumi (藤原拓海) are voiced by Miki Shin'ichirō (三木眞一郎).
Ishida Uryū (石田雨竜) and Uchiha Sasuke (うちはサスケ) are voiced by Sugiyama Noriaki (杉山紀彰).

Cool huh?! ^^
Information courtesy of wikipedia. Believe me, I have no idea how to read or write japanese. I just copy and paste HAHA =p

Oh, and like Himura Kenshin of the Rurouni Kenshin anime, Naruto is voiced by a female seiyū! I didn't know that! did you? =p

Life is like a boat

2009-02-24T03:26:00.002+08:00

Life is Like a Boat - Rie Fu

Courtesy of Imeem.com -- uploaded by Chris T
This is the closing title for the Japanese anime Bleach Season 1.

Enjoy :)

Order and Authority

2008-12-14T17:58:00.004+08:00

"..for those who will defend authority against rebellion must not themselves rebel."
- The Silmarillion; J.R.R. Tolkien. Chapter 6: Of Fëanor and the unchaining of Melkor , pg 66.

I kinda like this. It speaks sense to me. ;) There's alot more to life that needs learning, and alot more to unlearn the older I grow.. This is but one.

~FiN~

Streets of Fire

2008-12-04T19:29:00.003+08:00

Added two songs from my childhood fave movie, Streets of Fire. The songs are "Nowhere Fast" and "Tonight is what it means to be young". Produced in the year I was born, I remember watching this on SBC (yes it was THAT long ago haha). My family loves it, we taped it, and now we have the DVD *grins from ear to ear*.
Hope you guys enjoy it as much as we did :)

Edit: To clarify interpretation, we have had the DVD for quite awhile now, at least a year or two (I think). It's not a recent procurement, contrary to what the sentence above suggests ;p

Standard deviation of Odds Ratio...

2008-12-01T12:07:00.002+08:00

. . . is sqrt[1/a + 1/b + 1/c + 1/d], where a,b,c,d are cells of a 2x2 table.
Why couldn't I remember this during my exam... GRRR...
good luck to me! for my econs paper later...

2 down..

2008-11-24T16:44:00.002+08:00

2 down!
2 more to go...
GUNNING FOR THE END!
1 week to the end of my study life... i'm gonna miss studying ;p
CYA NUS! i'll miss you! i'm sorry i didn't fully utilise you, but you made me who i m today, so no regrets :)
CHEERS!

FW: so sad ignore this and you're a bastard as well

2008-11-15T02:26:00.003+08:00

This pic came alone with the email petition entitled "FW: so sad ignore this and you're a bastard as well". This is the controversial art work. In the email, the following have been said with regards to this exhibit:

In 2007, the 'artist' Guillermo Vargas Habacuc, tooka dog from the street,tied
him to a rope in an art gallery, and starvedhim to death.
For several days, the 'artist' and the visitors of the exhibition have watched emotionless the shameful 'masterpiece' based on the dog's agony, until eventually he died.
Does it look like art to you?
But this is not all... the prestigious Visual Arts Biennial of the Central American decided that the 'installation' was actually art, so that Guillermo Vargas Habacuc has been invited to repeat his cruel action for the biennial of 2008. ...

This is quite a straightforward decision, isn't it? Animal Cruelty, hidden within the sanctuary we call ART. Is art truly blind to ethics? Can one, for the sake of art, lose one's humanity? I questioned that, and my answer is: NO. Art isn't blind to humanity; ART expresses what it means to be human. The only definition of ART lies in how we define ourselves.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guillermo_Vargas
http://guillermohabacucvargas.blogspot.com/
http://hubpages.com/hub/It-kills-dog-art--Guillermo-Vargas-Habacuc
So I read up abit, and these sites turned up. Do take time to read through some of the comments on the 3rd link from hubpages.com. And here's a few things I've learned.

1) We, as members of the human race, are hypocritical beings. Anyone who isn't either isn't human, isn't alive, or is God.
2) A majority of the human race are hateful creatures. We react foremost with Hate before any other emotions. Where, then, do we find space in our hearts for Love?
3) The influence of the mass media has greatly expanded within the last century. The reach and accessibility of mass media has developed to an extent where the absence of democracy is all but impossible. The rule of the masses predicted by Plato is currently seen in play, and there's nothing we can do to arrest this epidemic.
4) We're all selfish beings. We all want to be seen doing the right thing, but we don't necessarily want to be the ones DOING them.

FIN.
p.s. if you'd like me to forward the email to you, just drop a comment with your email. Thanks.
p.p.s. if you'd like to flame me for any reason at all, please leave your name behind as well. it's only courteous to not hide behind the veil of anonymity.

DEMIGOD

2008-11-06T07:05:00.002+08:00

Demigod is a new game, with expected release March 2009. This is the recently announced new release date as they've pushed back release to fix a few multi-player balance issues. I hope AI doesn't disappoint, but the gameplay sounds fun ^^
In fact, it sounds a bit like DotA. lol. here's the link to the game's official website. http://www.demigodthegame.com/
And here's a link to GameSpy's Preview.

Enjoy. ;)

Kazemakaze Tsukikage Ran

2008-11-02T06:21:00.003+08:00

A short anime series I stumbled across. 13 episodes only! Samurai fighting, cool action, .. but may disappoint if you prefer naruto, bleach, samurai x, samurai champloo... basically any "mainstream" fighting anime.
http://www.veoh.com/channels/ktsukikageran

Enjoy! :)

p.s. Did I mention? The samurai is female o.O COOL huh?!

Reflections

2008-10-28T03:15:00.003+08:00

All men were created equally. From birth, we have death for company.
Here're links to quotes of death.

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Death
http://www.quotegarden.com/death.html

Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me.
The Carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality
~Emily Dickinson

To live is to peg ourselves to the wheel of time. In so saying, the ultimate freedom we can achieve would be in death, for only then are we free from time itself.
This, I believe, is an apt summary of Death and all she encompasses, as perceived and portrayed by the wise men who gave birth to these quotes I've read .

I cannot embrace Death. Not now. Perhaps it is true. I am too fearful of Life to embrace Death. And yet, I acknowledge the authority Death holds over my life. Isn't it futile, then, to deny my keeper? The sole solution, it seems, would be to embrace Life. It is high time I find my purpose in this world, in this time. Have you found yours?

IPPT Season 2008/09

2008-10-28T03:08:00.003+08:00

STATION	SCORE	GRADE	POINTS
Sit Up	40	A	5
Broad Jump	243cm	A	5
Chin Up	10	B	4
Shuttle Run	9.5 s	A	5
2.4km	16:32 min	F	0

Total: 19
Result: FAIL

Haiz... What a way to start the new season :(
Did this on the most recent saturday, but didn't find the heart and time to blog it down till now.

Too many thoughts, too little time

2008-10-22T00:55:00.008+08:00

I'm too lazy to think. I think too much. And yes, the prior two statements are truthful contradictions. Who said life wasn't interesting? ;p
You see, I think alot. About everything. But I'm too lazy to analyze things in depth. Too easily contented with what I have, I take a step back and with a sigh of satisfaction, declare my mediocre efforts sufficient. I mean, come on! How lazy can a person get?? Apparently, very..
I have a smart friend, very talented and inspired friend, who calls me smart too *smug look sweeps across my face*. She says, "the world needs another Great Depression". And I find myself surprisingly taken up to the idea.
I've been wondering, in the face of this "crisis of the global economy", about the reasons and true definition of "growth". Across the globe, nations abound clamour for more growth. And to what end? Caught up in the endless race for growth, I take a step back and wonder, Why?
Mathematically, our theory of economics are rather sound, and ceteris paribus, amount to very rationally panned out thoughts. But ultimately, isn't the study of economics purely a reflection of the hunger for growth that our society exudes? If that is so, then the fact that our economic policies are governed by people who are studied in the "art" of economics, will make our economy a self-perpetuating endless cycle. It's hilarious really, but it seems to me that the "flaw" that leads to crisis and recessions is nothing more than a by-product of the mentality perpetuated by society's elite. For who else profits the most from "growth" but the people who leads them (the growth).
Call me anti-elitist, but I feel that a change in mindset is in order. It can only be for the better, at least in reference to the spiritual health of humanity.

Onto other issues... the Lehman Mini-bond debate. "The MAS – a desperate headless chicken?", "Minibonds : No leadership in times of trouble....!", and on the flip side, "S’pore’s financial system is sound, S$150b guarantee for deposits sufficient". The case made is that MAS and the Singapore government have been slow to react to the "plight" of the investors "conned" into buying Mini-bonds, and that we have been lagging behind in monetary policies, most prominently being the guaranteeing of deposits which came a day after Hong Kong made theirs. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to shoot down the investors. On the contrary, I pity them for their plight. They have been misled into wrongfully investing their savings into a product which isn't as risk-free as is proclaimed. Whose fault is it though? The banks who sold them? The banks who packaged them, which may or may not be the same? Or the investor, for not doing enough research? Definitely, some individual responsibility should be taken, BUT if the banks really did misrepresent the products, knowing the risks involved and understating them, then that IS a fraudulent act. There is no fault in them banding together to take up action against the financial institutions involved. But to rant about the incompetence of MAS? I beg to differ.
Short of proclaiming the ignorance of these prominent bloggers, lets view the directives of MAS.

"MAS is the central bank of Singapore. Our mission is to promote sustained non-inflationary economic growth, and a sound and progressive financial centre."

MAS FUNCTIONS
To act as the central bank of Singapore, including the conduct of monetary
policy, the issuance of currency, the oversight of payment systems and
serving
as banker to and financial agent of the Government
To conduct integrated supervision of financial services and financial
stability surveillance
To manage the official foreign reserves of Singapore
To develop Singapore as an international financial centre

From this, we can already see that MAS has no obligation to the plights of the investors as individuals and they had every right to ask them to take up the issue with the court of law. Their duty to supervision extends only as far as to ensuring the integrity of the system. If any, we should question the failings of that duty rather than MAS's reaction to the situation. Also, MAS's first and foremost priority is the integrity of Singapore's finance, which unfortunately, does not include the plight of these investors.
In view of this, Singapore financial institutions are in good stead (relative to the global situation), hence there was no reason to guarantee deposits. This explains the reactionary stance which MAS has adopted. The only reason why MAS made an about-turn has nothing to do with improving the state of the economy, but rather with the competitiveness that Singapore offers as a financial hub. Singapore is unable to ignore the actions which Hong Kong, as a direct "rival", undertakes, regardless of how redundant some of the policies may be. Guarantee-ing deposits is akin to money sunk, that is, that money may be, with high confidence, unable to be recovered. But in terms of competitiveness, it is money that Singapore can ill-afford to save, if she is to continue attracting investors and maintaining her reputation of being a strong and competitive financial hub.

Perhaps, MAS has to be blamed. Not for their indecision, but for their failure to uphold their task. To supervise the integrity of our financial services. The dent in MAS's reputation lies in this fact, that they have been lax in their control over financial institutions in exchange for the growth potential which they promise to the country.

I feel that the leadership has been unnecessarily criticised. With this rationale, what MAS is doing may not be the wisest, but it is the best course of action to fulfil its directives. What should be criticised though is the direction and fundamentals of MAS and our government as a whole. The fact that our citizens regularly complain about the actions taken by our government and government bodies, despite the actions being "by the book", so to speak, shows that there is a lack of unity between the ideals of the citizen and the direction in which the government is heading. If this is the case, it is then not a question of leadership, but rather a question of "leader". Is the government which leads us today, the one that we truly want? We fault our leadership for being weak and reactionary, slow and uninspired. The truth is, so are we, the citizens, for being blind to the truth that since a decade or more ago, the path that our government seeks for us, and the path that we desire, have been divergent. Do not criticize others of faults which you own. It may be time that Singaporeans reflect on their political mindset. This is no longer about PAP or opposition. It's about how we want our country to be led. Regardless of opposition or PAP, I can say with some confidence that growth will always be prioritised over welfare, for it is the nature of our society. "We are not a welfare state.". Sounds familiar? Enough said.

Do we still want growth? I don't know.. I'm too lazy to think further. It is greed, a manisfestation from the desire for growth, that has led us to this state. A simpleton will agree that we don't want growth, but where will that leave us then? This is something which this simpleton, yours truly, cannot comprehend. It seems I've many years of thinking yet to be done.

p.s. I like this site. Den of The Lion Investor

Addicted to drifting

2008-10-15T03:09:00.000+08:00

I'm getting the hang of driving fast. I've gotten used to gliding around corners. Gotten my kicks tailgating on the expressway. I'm dangerous. I've been bad.

Practise spots:
1) NUS Carpark 15. when entering from opposite law link, the left turn will take you to a curved "U-turn". A gradual turn at 30km/h, because of the downslope, it's hard to go any faster than that without finding your things flying about in the car. With drift, you can smoothly glide past this curve at >50km/h. i've tried entering this at about 40+km/h. will try pushing 50 one day... and hope that i'm alert enough to not cause any harm to anybody ha!
2) Brickland road. Coming from Bukit Gombak. At the first bend, you can take it with no brake no acceleration at 80-90km/h with little difficulty. tried and tested today at 100-110km/h. with drift. nearly kena curb rofl! i turned too much =p but quite smooth. will not try again with cars beside me like today. too dangerous haha.
3) Choa Chu Kang Ave 3/5. Turning into my house. Standard 60km/h attempted drift. ditto in carpark at 40km/h (because of humps)
4) Multi-story Carpark. Today I cleared the entry to the ramp going down by drifting in at 40km/h. barely passed the near concrete barrier haha. very excited because this one can really feel the drift. too bad the ramp is very steep. cannot control if i continue drift down ramp haha. so i straighten out and brake normally to turn out NORMALLY from the ramp haha. now I understand how it feels to be a Drift King (DK) in Fast n' Furious: Tokyo Drift hahaa ;p

Now I really feel like testing my drifting skills. Find me a empty place where I can test out skills haha! too bad Singapore haven't constructed a race circuit. Else I'll use it to test my drifting skills HAHA ;p

p.s. drift not like initial D drift. mine only for split second at the beginning, to create a abrubt shift in direction. that allows me to use the G-force normally exerted on the bodies within the car to counter balance the shift in the car to produce a smoother ride around a bend.
p.p.s. I don't drive fast nor drift when I have passengers in the car (with one or two incidents as exceptions). Even if you wanna sit in, I won't let you. It's against my social conscience and responsibility to put anyone's lives at risk except mine. HAHA... so hypocrite right?? If you beg me, then maybe....

IPPT 3

2008-10-07T23:15:00.004+08:00

STATION	SCORE	GRADE	POINTS
Sit Up	40	A	5
Broad Jump	243cm	A	5
Chin Up	8	C	3
Shuttle Run	9.6 s	A	5
2.4km	11:43 min	D	2

Total: 20
Result: PASS

Finally, I passed my IPPT. It's a miracle, I tell you. Try shaving off more than a minute off your 2.4km run timing in less than 2wks. It's still quite hard to believe.

(No, I didn't get the order of appreciation wrong. I just wanna start from the bottom up) Lastly, I'd like to believe that this pass is due to the amount of work out I've done with my muscles. Aside from the relentless IPPT attempts, I've also squeezed in bowling training, more bowling games, and lots of pool. Not to mention badminton ;p I'd like to think those helped, yeah...

Secondly, I'd like to thank my AIR SALONPAS. Thanks to this amazing "external pain relieving spray", I've recovered from muscle aches in double quick time, and also managed to perform through the pain barrier. Lemme put it this way.. I didn't stop running coz my leg muscles were still soaking up the "burning sensation" of SALONPAS. ditto with my chin-ups, despite my right arm aching like hell from bowling training haha.

Firstly, and most importantly, I'd like to thank God. I kinda asked God to help me, be there for me, to allow me to glorify his name, and He delivered. Our ever-faithful God delivered. Halleluja! Be it my imagination or spiritual intervention, I pleaded with God during my 2.4 to give me strength and resolution to run the race, and finish the race. And He did. I remember seeing (or picturing, if you believe this to be a figment of my imagination) Jesus's outstretched hand, nail and all, reaching out to me, pulling me along the 5th lap (we have to run 6 laps), beckoning me to run the race, and finish strongly. Let this be my testament to God's grace. That though I may not be a good servant of His, He has never lost faith in me. Amen. I remember, before my sit-up (the last of my static stations), I said a quick prayer. I looked up through the window, and I saw the most beautiful sight in a long while. The sun, with its sunset orange hue, rays shining through the clouds, a portrait of hope and warmth, a snapshot of the beauty God has gifted to us. That, truly, lifted me. God lives, not just in heaven, but here as well. They say He's omnipresent. I say He lives in each and every one of us (Christians). I'm not being discriminant. I'm just being honest. I refuse to slander any existing religion, but I stand by what I say for it is THE TRUTH. And the truth shall reign.

F I N.

The Discovery Channel Theme

2008-10-07T03:26:00.002+08:00

You gotta love this song. haha. Added it on my playlist.
Removed Piece of Heaven though. Also added Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang.
Bad Touch is commonly known as the discovery channel song. You'll understand why when you hear it haha

"I love the World" - Discovery Channel

IPPT 2

2008-10-05T22:30:00.002+08:00

Here's a quick update of saturday's IPPT attempt.

STATION	SCORE	GRADE	POINTS
Sit Up	37	B	4
Broad Jump	225cm	C	3
Chin Up	8	C	3
Shuttle Run	9.7 s	A	5
2.4km	12:51 min	E	1

Total: 16 points
But... I still fail. DAMMIT.

Onto other news, I found myself at a Hush Puppies warehouse sale shortly after my IPPT. it was at Bt Batok. Cool shyt. They had alot of stuff goin for REAL cheap. got myself some underwear, socks, and 2 cool shirts ;) well, they're the same design, just different color. bah. ;p

The world as we know it 2

2008-10-03T03:35:00.004+08:00

http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/message/index.php?id=235
The above is an article against the $700 billion bailout of Wall Street by the US Fed Treasury.
Read it, think through it.. Now STOP.

Seriously, there is some truth in it, but anyone who thinks we should let Wall Street crumble and die IS selfish. I am soo pissed off that I'm posting this right here, right now.
Wall Street is crumbling. The idea is that it is a liquidity crunch. "What is a liquidity crisis?", you ask. It's when you have assets but no cash to back it up, to put it in layman terms. You've got stuff but can't sell them off. No cash, and no one to borrow from, you're stuck with debts that you can't pay, because you can't recover the cash owed to you, and you can't sell off your assets. That's what the major financial institutions are going through.

Why is the world over watching the scenario so carefully? Lets see.. what happens if the bailout does not occur. AIG has already been bailed out. What if it hadn't?
1) Many people will lose all their money invested in insurance. Globally.
2) Many people will lose their jobs.
3) Man United will not have a main sponsor.
ok this is simplistic. let me delve deeper...

If financial institutions fall, we're talking about century old companies falling. there's a big void with no one to fill it in the short run. In business, everyone runs up good debt. You borrow to start up. You borrow to get a project going, be it construction or the next Broadway musical. You borrow to get supplies for your next harvest. You borrow to buy a house.
Sure, it's these very institutions' fault for being blinded by greed and making rash risky loans with high risk of defaults to ppl who can't afford the houses they're living in. But punishing them would be detrimental to the country. Just look at the list in yellow. The collapse of these institutions as a whole would bring the country's economy to a standstill. Employees won't get their pay check on time, rents will be overdue, utility bills unpaid... you get the picture. It'll be a bleak time for the citizens, but that's not all. 401(k) pension plans invested in these very firms will be gone, extinguished, evaporated, just like that. Imagine being 50 and finding out that all your hard-earned savings have been wiped out. How would you feel?

The bailout plan is a short-term solution. It is not meant to be a solve-all solution. A lesson learnt and a long term solution to the industry and its regulation is required for sure. But that doesn't make the bailout plan any less urgent or important. Everyday, the taxpayers that you're worried for are losing their savings, their insurance, and if a company goes bankrupt, they lose it forever. If this plan is not put into effect, there will not be any cash moving around. No banks buying up ailing banks to stop their freefall. No banks lending money to provide the necessary liquidity to tide over the influx of defaulters. Paper loss is still a loss, and without the necessary liquidity to cover for it, that loss will be realised, and even the super rich won't be able to afford it.

So quit thinking of revenge, stop wishing for payback, because it's not going to happen. In reality, the rich will be rich, and they'll stay that way, as we've found out in this "crisis". Think of the consequence if their companies fall. They'll still be rich. Heck they've earned more than enough for a dozen lifetimes. But the fall of the companies they run will mean the death of the accounts of millions of citizens, and millions more people worldwide. Remember, these firms we're talking about are international organisations. Barclays, AIG (AIA), CitiGroup, Goldman Sachs, ...

@ Barclays. It's not just confined to the US. Already, repercussions are felt worldwide. European governments are rushing to provide the necessary liquidity to keep their companies afloat. ING along with government-funding have bought over a competitor to prevent it from failing in Holland, and across Europe, the situation is viral. The only way to stem the tide is for a strong reaction by the US. However, blinded by personal agenda, they've held the world hostage.

Sure, 700billion sounds alot and unreasonable, and i'm sure it may be so, but the world needs a saviour, and they need it fast. The meltdown is scary, but it's quite real. Face facts, and take responsibilty as a person of the world. You're but one person in a billion, but what you do affects billions. So think twice.

p.s. the bailout plan is a tiered plan. 700billion is a cap. 250billion is the initial amount released. 350billion being the 1st tier cap, and the other 350billion up to 700billion max will be under case-by-case scrutiny before release.

The world as we know it

2008-10-03T02:04:00.004+08:00

You guys have heard the song "Handlebars" by Flobots. If you guys didn't catch the meaning the 1st time round, listen carefully. I didn't catch any meaning at all till I decided to dig deeper. But you have to sense that this is a song with a message. And indeed it is.

This is a video response, awesomely done, on Flobots original version of Handlebars. It's a little different from the one they recorded with Universal Republic Records, which is also the one you're hearing on air nowadays and the one I have on my blog. This should explain the lyrics clear as day.

This is their music vid done with Universal Republic Records. Awesome. Pictures truly speak a thousand words.

A summary. This song is anti-government. It shouts out against the concentration of power gathered at the hands of a few. And what might befall all of us should those few go astray, or grow too big to keep in check. We are but a few, but together, we are many. I am not anti-government, but I feel people should understand this song more. It's sad when people put down this song as utter gibberish and totally meaningless when it's not. Here's to all you people out there. Listen and learn. Wake up from your hypnosis. The time is now.

Interesting point to note. Universal Republic Records' vid is not allowed to air in Singapore. www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuK2A1ZqoWs click this link and you'll understand. It's only this link, as all the others work at the moment. I found it strange. Could it be an issue of copyright? Or something more sinister? hmm... I wonder.

====================================

About friends. Have you ever heard a song and thought "Hey.. reminds me of XYZ.." ?
well, I have. And I'll list two that I can think of this very moment.
"Starlight" - Muse : Edwin Seah
"Sexy Back" - Justin Timberlake : Mark Cheong

F I N

New Addition to Blog

2008-09-30T21:42:00.003+08:00

There's a new addition to my blog!
Introducing... my Imeem Playlist!!
To mark this memorable day, I shall list the songs available for your listening pleasures. They are, in no order of merit:

Tetris - Dacav5
Angels Crying - E-Type
Everytime We Touch - Cascada
Cascada's Piece of Heaven - DJ Mystic
Viva La Vida - Coldplay
Handlebars - Flobots
Starlight - Muse

Stay tuned! ;)

IPPT today

2008-09-30T20:18:00.003+08:00

As the title implies, here's my IPPT results:

STATION	SCORE	GRADE	POINTS
Sit Up	35	C	3
Broad Jump	230cm	C	3
Chin Up	6	D	2
Shuttle Run	9.5 s	A	5
2.4km	12:45 min	E	1

Total: 14 points
Result: FAIL.

I need at least a D for all stations and a total of at least 12 points to pass. D for 2.4km is 11:41-12:20 min. I missed by 25seconds. DANG...

I did the IPPT @ Maju camp. They've switched to electronic score recording.. then again i think the whole army has made the switch. Ah well, I'll be back again soon with more updates on my progress. I refuse to accept failure! RAWR!!!

p.s. here's a recap of last year's attempt.. "it's that time of the year..."

DoA vs FF

2008-09-29T04:23:00.003+08:00

Monty Oum created this. It's awesome. For those of you who love Dead or Alive, or those of us (yeah me me!) who love Final Fantasy, this one's for you.
Intro-ed by Noel from a Internet thread he posted on a forum.

check out Monty Oum's profile on gametrailers.com. Can't wait for Dead Fantasy 3, but pity Monty's busy with his job :( http://montyoum.gametrailers.com/gamepad/index.php?action=fanmovs

Also, here's the music video of Dacav5's Tetris. Honestly, the vid ain't fantastic, but it's a nice song that has been lost for awhile.. Nice to have it back in my head haha

Enjoy ;)

F1

2008-09-27T15:23:00.003+08:00

F1's 1st night street race.
Singapore's 1st night street race.
blah blah blah.
You'd think we'd suffer from overexposure n be bored by the time it actually starts.
I'm not a hardcore fan, but I've enjoyed watching the odd races, and following the leaderboards, both constructor n driver.
But to actually HEAR the engines ROARING through the gears down the straight, LIVE.. priceless.
Last night, I was at bugis to pick my sis up from tuition before heading home. It was there that I heard them. One after another, shifting through the gears, mini-jet planes roaring down the street. To say I was excited is an understatement. I was ecstatic!
Tonight, I'll be at Orchard for dinner. No prizes for guessing where I'll be headed after that ;)
Did I also mention that my dad has a all-access pass for the race? He's not a fan though :( He's just there to do his job. Man.. if only we could swap places LOL

p.s. Not wanting to be branded as a mindless guy following the crowd, but I really like the Ferrari team, and that's who I normally look out for on the leaderboards. Needless to say, the driver I support is also from Ferrari. He's not Massa though. He's last year's champion, Raikkonen. Guy to look out for? Sebastian Bourdais. The only driver with specs. Girls, aside from his cute looks, he's also a good driver (imho). A pity his car flopped on him in the Italy Grand Prix, else we'll be hearing more from him. Instead, it was his teammate and the driver in pole position who stole the limelight, Sebastian Vettel. No resentment though. That guy drove a faultless race.
p.p.s. Why don't I support Hamilton? It's not that he's a bad driver. I respect him for his driving skills, aggressive though they may be. Respect, though earned through exhibition of skill, takes more than just talent to be retained. I'm afraid Hamilton's character needs more refining if he's to earn back the respect he's lost from me. Arrogance is not a character most welcomed by most people. That said, he's pushing for the title, and it'll be sad if he gets pipped to it by Massa. Raikkonen, for all my support, is a shade of his former self. Ever the cool driver, calm in any situation, but lacking that winner's touch this season. Would love to see him in the red colour of Ferrari next season though. I do hope to see more of him ;)

Personality Disorders

2008-09-25T05:10:00.002+08:00

My friend did this personality test and came up with mostly low and a couple or more moderate ratings. I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm pleasantly surprised by my results.
I AM WeIrD... ...

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

JC Class Bonding

2008-09-25T04:26:00.004+08:00

Feels weird, looking through blogs of ex-JC-classmates, then wondering why we were never close..
and then I realise, it's never really the class's fault, nor the "synergy" of the ppl of the class.
it was.. me.
I've never really "clicked" with anyone. Never really let in ppl. Sure I was friendly n occassionally "bubbly", but that's all i ever was: a random artifact hanging about in the class photo. Part of, yet never truly belonging.
I try to think of the times we spend together, n i find myself, more often than not, coming up with blanks. I know my memory IS bad, like.. REAL BAD. but it's shocking how little i remember of my life, at least when it comes to relationships with ppl.
I guess I'm never a ppl person.
Let me try to elaborate. I just said this today, so i guess this deserves a quotation. "Memories define who you are today; your character, the way you behave, everything. If not for the memories of the stupid things you did yesterday (in the past), you'll never be as smart* as you are today."
*smart, being used as a generic term as all things good that u're accomplishin now, be it down to intelligence, capability, glib of tongue, or what not.
the funny thing is, my memories r cluttered with things that i have done, rather than things that happen when i'm with ppl. i guess i m my own "achievement record book", reciting my goods (what little i have) n bads (lots) with relative ease, albeit with little or no historical accuracy.. (i have a bad habit of remembering things different from what they really were. there's a psych term for that i guess.. but i have not a clue.. i "forgot" =,='"
sometimes i want to reach out to the world, then when i do, i wish i hadn't. part of me really wants to be alone, part of me thinks otherwise. i wonder what would have happened if my family and friends have brought me up n influenced me differently.. would i really be an authentic introvert? i know for sure i can never claim to be remotely close to being a loner or an introvert (i sincerely believe there's a difference between the two), but part of me feels as if i might be, if i had a different life experience from the one i've lived.
Saving grace? Soccer. It's the one constant i've had since primary4, and one i've no regrets. I love the game. Playing it, watching it, analysing it, thinking about it. The only problem i have with it? I can't play it alone... ...

F I N

When physics meets music (science meets arts)

2008-09-05T02:15:00.001+08:00

http://sg.video.yahoo.com/watch/3265004/9205068

enjoy.

Virus

2008-09-02T20:21:00.003+08:00

My laptop kena virus. Sent it to IT Co-op to reformat. Gonna collect it tomorrow.
All software have to reinstall. Everything WIPED.
It was a trojan horse that kept spamming anti-virus/anti-spyware advertisements and locking down a majority of OS functions like "task manager", "safe mode" (comp crashes when you attempt to start up in safe mode), and others.
The link below is an article on a variation of the trojan horse which infected my laptop.
Either I waited too long to launch task manager, or mine is a more deadly variant of the mentioned trojan, because alot of my functions were locked down.
I read somewhere that System Restore might be able to rollback and prevent a dangerous spread of the trojan horse, isolating it for further treatment by your anti-virus software, but I'm unable to retrieve the link :( I could not get my System Restore to run either...
http://www.f-secure.com/sw-desc/rogue_w32_xpantivirus.shtml

Russia-Georgia Conflict

2008-08-29T02:05:00.003+08:00

Genting Trip

2008-06-16T10:16:00.008+08:00

I've been back for awhile now, so i best update my blog ;)
Firstly, hihi lula n wb to sg! ;)
n i've been a little traumatised by my genting trip. casino is FUN! but what happened after not so..

yup if u haven't guessed it by now, our bus crashed. on the way down the slopes of genting, our brakes failed, n it was a rollercoaster ride to the bottom. thank God we were almost at the foot of the genting slopes. n here's some celebratory photos of our close shave with Death...

*plays victory theme* so there you have it. genting casino slots r fun but sucks your money. card games are awesome but money flies very fast. luckily i won at cards to cover my losses at slots rofl.

onto other news.. my parents have gotten a new gaming computer for the household! ... for me muahaha! k out of point.

Signing out,
Stubbyorange
Dwarf Priest

Drifting

2008-04-26T05:37:00.001+08:00

The difference between an Idealist and a Perfectionist

2008-04-16T17:56:00.002+08:00

An idealist wants things to be perfect, but doesn't know how to go about doing it.
A perfectionist sets about making things perfect, regardless of whether it is situationally perfect or not.
An idealist dreams of things going perfectly well, but doesn't know how to steer things towards the perfection he envisions.
A perfectionist makes the process as perfect as possible, making things very rigid, but guaranteeing the perfection he demands.
An idealist is a fuck-tard like me, a professional bummer who cannot create, who can only dream but not do, who is a waste of the oxygen on earth.
A perfectionist is a jerk who makes life difficult for everybody. Period.
Guess which category Bush falls under? =p haha...

VisualDNA

2008-04-06T15:56:00.003+08:00

VisualDNA is back with a vengence with LoveVisualDNA :) *can't use exclaimation marks coz keyboard is spoilt* try it @ http://youniverse.com . comment here on what you are =D
i'm a Lone Ranger.. apparently, i can't get too close to ppl. something i've noticed about myself too... read it up yourself :) at the end of the "test", it'll list your profile in detail, and a summary of the other available profiles ;)
or, you can just click here to see the full results of my test -,-'"
have fun *inserts an exclaimation mark...* and remember, take everything with a pinch of salt. there's no such thing as 100% right in this world. XP

ciao i'm late for soccer. SHYT.

What a Birthdate can tell you...

2008-03-10T00:30:00.002+08:00

October 11, 1984
Lucky Color:
Amber
Personality Strengths:
Compassion, Charisma
Personality Weakness(es):
Ego
Successful Career Path:
Technology
Sense of Humor Style:
Campy
Adjectives to Describe You:
impulsive, courageous
Description:A hip non-conformist who truly stands for his/her beliefs - you are out to make a difference in this world, and you have a realistic chance of success. You have always been self-driven and derive your inspiration from those close to you. Ambitious - and why shouldn't you be - the sky is the limit for you!

courtesy of Facebook application, "The meaning of... Your Birthday".

Your relationship compatability percentage is: 84%
Results of compatability with somebody using birth date. nice percentage. I wonder how true it is..

courtesy of Facebook application, "The meaning of... Your Birthday".

Love: A compilation.

2008-03-06T15:42:00.002+08:00

05 March, 2008 01:55
Love, In All Aspects
you know, there're many different ways people care for one another. some are over-protective: they impose strict guidelines upon you, fearing that in the event you cross those invisible boundaries, you'll hurt yourself. some believe in freedom: "if you love somebody, you gotta let him/her go; and if he/she returns someday, he/she'll be yours." aside from that cliche explanation, freedom means allowing a person room to express themselves, and yet ever patiently offering themselves as sanctuary whenever that person runs into trouble. Anger: if you care soooo much for a person, you may get sooo angry with that person.. coz you care. anger, however, can be addictive. "anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering".and many more. love comes in many forms, aspects shapes. but true love are always the same regardless of aspects.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. ..."
1Cor13:4-8.

There is no perfection in humanity. Hope is your guiding light that leads you out of imperfection. Faith is the fuel that drives you onwards in your quest. But love, oh ever so important love, love is the oil between the gears, the negotiator in a tiff, the sandpaper that smoothens the rough edges, that polishes the gem. Love.. completes.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
1Cor13:13

I love, I hate, I anger, I remember, I am human. I forgive, I love, I care, I sympathise, I am human.
We are human, either way we choose. Choices: that's what makes us human.

*hugs*
Ambrose

05 March, 2008 11:56
or... utterly break his heart by lying that you're ALREADY ATTACHED =p
it's just a SMALL WHITE LIE! XP

and... not ALL sg guys are THAT bad... ... i mean, aren't I singaporean?? wahaha!! i can feel my skin hardening XD (aka thick skin!)

i guess you're right in not giving your number in this instance.. think of the $$ u'll waste receiving his spam haha =X

"You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh no,
So don't you bring me down today..."
- Beautiful by Christina Aguilera

Don't need to be super slim, super tone, super perfect complexion, to be beautiful. Let your beauty shine through, from the heart. That's what guys should be looking out for, and girls should worry about. Looking physically good is of no use if you don't look good within.
So it is written, so it is said;
by my belief, with faith for everyone,
so the world may change
and be a better place.

Peace.
Muahaha -Ambrose

06 March, 2008 15:35
i beg to differ! about the technicalities of love that is.
love propagates action. one cannot equate love, an emotion, to an act. rather, think of love as fuel, and action the vehicle of expression.to love with inaction is still love. eg the girl you love is happy with your best friend. you love her so much, n your best friend as well, that you do nothing, but wish the best for them.
the definition that love is an action is grounded by the fact that action expresses love in a very direct n tangible form. but love is never a tangible thing to contend with.
consider God. like God, love is intangible. you can't see it, but you know it's there.like God, you can see it at work through the things happening around you eg your mother waking up earlier just to make you toast for breakfast.
if you say love, but your words are not grounded in love, then your words are empty. as with empty words, no actions will back them up, hence the correlational link between action and love.

sincere apologies, but had debates about love in CG, so it's fun to share some of my perspective and insights with... everyone! ^^

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
1Cor13:1-3

Love is also not quantifiable. It is self-subjecting, but it is not comparable. you can measure love from within, but you cannot compare love between others.ie. i can say i love something more than something else, however hard or contextual my comparison may be, BUT i cannot say the same if i were to compare my love for something with someone else's love for that same thing.
Love, therefore, is one of those things, like justice, loyalty, and courage, which cannot be measured; which are abstract, and always contentious in the eyes of men (and women.. zzz), for we all bear different scales of measurement. That's what makes us unique. That's what makes each and every one of us special. :)

Courtesy of:
Joline's Blog
http://thevacuum.blogspot.com/2008/03/these-gnawing-negative-feelings-inside.html#links
http://thevacuum.blogspot.com/2008/02/i-read-article-written-by-teenager-on.html#links

The Happiness Business

2008-03-05T12:16:00.002+08:00

Games.
You've played them. You've watched people play them. You've heard people create them. Sometimes you invent them too.

http://www.gamespy.com/articles/856/856051p1.html
This is the people behind the gaming industry, and no I do not mean your friends who initiated that hide and seek game at the playground during recess.
If you're part of this industry, do us proud. Make us HAPPY :)
You gotta love what these guys do. They're probably some of the best people out there in the world. They have the world at their feet, but still they do all they can to SERVE those very people who look up to them.
(No we don't worship them, and no they aren't powerful at all, but we do look forward to the latest games, don't we? =p)

Quote of the Year: "You are in the happiness business!" -Jane McGonigal, founder of Avant Game Project.
Life tastes sweeter, doesn't it? ^^

This. Is. Disgusting.

2008-02-27T02:38:00.003+08:00

http://www.furisdead.com/feat/ChineseFurFarms/
WTF are the chinese thinking. I mean, eating dog meat is fine, coz it's food! though killing your pets IS a disgusting thought.. but this is just plain CRUEL! how could you bear to commit such a crime of nature? it's just... inhumane. HECK, even an animal won't do that to another.
I'm chilled to the bones watching the video. If you have a heart, you would too. Fashion be damned, this is not right. Don't buy fur. Ever.

God Knows...

2008-01-28T01:21:00.000+08:00

hehe. I Love God.

I was thinking about blogging about jealousy. About how i'm prone to envy. And then I turned on my laptop (to transfer my one republic album to my mp3 player ^^). I opened my web browser (with Our Daily Bread as my homepage). And voila! God answers. =)

http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb-01-27-08.shtml

lots of <3
Ambrose.

p.s. I hope Sheffield United wins :) 65th min and they're leading Manchester City 2-1 ^_^

Back.

2008-01-27T19:51:00.000+08:00

Back in school.
In fact, I'm posting this from school =,=
juz got a locker! came to find it and pack it up before school on monday =p
n.. yes i've stopped wow subscription again.. why'd u think i'm here blogging? wahaha j/k =p

I've bought One Republic's album! too in love with Apologise and too lazy (n afraid =p) to d/l frm internet..
and Cheng Teng, I love both Timberland's remix of the song and the original. the original for the instrumentals. that rox. =)

k and about a little discovery about moi-self. i do prefer to be alone sometimes. even in groups, sometimes u'll find me either eccentric or awfully quiet. yeah i find company... ... weird. mayb it's habitual? like u grow into it; or mayb it's juz something that's been there all awhile. no i don't detest frenz, nor groups n companionship. but i do enjoy solitude as well. n there's that.

yay. i "discovered" the above at ... 23++ years old. damn i'm old haha.

Cookies.

2007-12-15T19:33:00.000+08:00

My sister makes the BEST cookies.

END.

A guy called Harry...

2007-11-27T20:08:00.000+08:00

yes. my exams is here. just finished my 1st paper.
i also just finished harry's FIFTH book.
as in, harry potter series, rowling's book.
that's... 5 books in 5-6 days -,-'" ZOMG.
I MUST STOP READING THEM.
yes, to all concerned readers, i'm still alive despite my absence, and i've been studying as well... HONEST! =p
i'll lock up the 6th and 7th book somewhere... or rather, keep 'em out of mind, out of sight :)
if there's one thing worse than games to get me hooked, it's a book with a gripping storyline. I must admit, harry potter is a typical bestseller. simple, gripping, but not a fantastic book. it's a great read, i must say i'm addicted. but it's not in the class of lord of the rings.
neither is my faithful wheel of times, but that's another story :)
yes. i'm a book addict. a geek. laugh all you want. better than being known as stubbyorange, i reckon =p

hey lula.. here's one reason I'LL get a DS. FFXII: Revenant Wings *drools...* everyone knows i love final fantasy =p
oh n to leanna, candy, n all other NUS students who read this... ALL THE BEST FOR YOUR EXAMS!!

kk. i must get down to other non-important stuff to get away from Mr Potter and other distractions. it's psych next! will study tmw :) ciao.

I'm Awake?

2007-11-16T03:48:00.000+08:00

it's urm.. 4am?
and I'm awake.
then again, I just woke up...
I just slept from 12 to 12... 12PM to 12AM -,-'"

I'm a pig. ah well..
Work Work.. NOT.
I'm a social butterfly. I think. Guess that means I flutter around and have a really short lifespan. How nice to know XP

Bong.

Ranting, a verbalised form of barking

2007-11-14T01:20:00.000+08:00

My commitments to studies.
To friendships.
To family.
To work.
To play.
Every promise I make is a chain I shackle upon myself.
24/7 hotline indeed...

ok so i exaggerate. but it's in part true.
i've discovered a little bit more about myself today. i don't really prioritise friends above myself. it's just the promises i make that i prioritise. especially promises to others.
i'm seriously having one of my mood swings again. not the angry type, but the "don't feel like doing anything wasting life away" bummer kinda mood swing.
but i've arranged for some events so i had to get them done. put on happy face. socialise. when i rather just bum and stone. wasting myself away.. alone.. somewhere..

it's not that i don't enjoy the company of others.. it's just that sometimes i get into this kinda moods, and i can't seem to figure out why. n i can't drop and run from reality either. so yeah, i'm stuck.
why the need to socialise anyway? you know what the sad thing is? if i stopped socialising with ppl, ppl will forget me. i doubt i'll be friends with so many if i clammed myself shut. i want friends, and yet i'm not willing to put in the effort in maintaining that friendship. i'm selfish i know. selfish, and lazy -,-'"

i just wanna sleep through this part of my life. i know life is supposed to be meaningful, but right now that's quite hard to see. i need to get away. once i'm done with exams, n post-exam celebrations (a social event), i'll find a way. just stone at home, or rot in a lan shop somewhere, or something along those lines.

i need to hibernate...

Random Stuff

2007-11-06T15:47:00.000+08:00

Probably the youngest owner of a blog-shop I've known of so far.
http://desireeselling.blogspot.com/
I think she's my cousin's friend.. pri6?? like.. wtf right? =p
kudos to her ^^ if there were more ppl like her out there, we've no need to worry for our younger generation =)

Another random stuff.

hilarious as hell ha.

Intelligence vs Innovation

2007-11-06T04:06:00.000+08:00

I'm not a creator. I am incapable of innovation.
There's a tendency for people to confuse these concepts. "You must be smart. Quick-witted. Creative. Use your brain!"
Intelligence is the ability to assimilate information. To digest and analyse competently and effectively.
Innovation is the act sparked by creativity. Intelligence is not a factor of creativity. In fact, the contrary has been observed too. How often have you heard of "creative geniuses" who flunk maths? they may fail at analysis, but it doesn't mean they cannot create.
Unfortunately, I've been called smart by many/some/few (varies with a person's definition of the mentioned quatifiers). I don't "feel" smart, but I have to admit I do have a respectable degree of intelligence. But.. that's about it. just intelligence. All I'm good at is being a sponge, to "soak up" ideas and duplicate and apply them. And even then I'm not as competent as many others in the world.

I missed KRMF2007. Linked is the transcript of PM Lee Hsien Loong's speech.
KRMF2005. MM Lee Kuan Yew. Also see here.

Going nuclear. The energy resource of the new millenia, or the beginning of humanity's impending doom? I'm confused. What I do know is, however hard it may be, nuclear disarmament should be the direction global leaders should be taking. (trust me, it IS hard.)
Nuclear Disarmament Party (AU).
The truth (?) about Reliable Replacement Warheads (RRW).

human nature dictates self-interest and self-preservation before others. bearing this in mind, review the world as it is now, and see the sorry state we're in. enjoy the grim future.

Ambrose (Amroui)
Lord of Destruction, Harbringer of Doom.

p.s. reply to a fellow blogger's post: you don't need photos to be interesting.

Dual Citizenship

2007-11-02T05:15:00.000+08:00

Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s. —Matthew 22:21

We live today as citizens of two worlds,

And this demands a duty to fulfill;

But greater far should be our heart’s desire

To honor Christ and always do His will. —Hess

Government has authority, but God has ultimate authority.

taken from Our Daily Bread: 1st Nov 2007.

and who said Christians and worldly politics cannot coexist =p

hmm.. but this doesn't explain revolutions and upheaval of a government..

not that I'm planning one!! -,-'"

You've gotta be kidding me...

2007-11-02T04:42:00.000+08:00

from Best of Craigslist: Women aren't attracted to men:

"... ... A woman basically is a greedy materialistic prostitute. Although that sounds vulgar, it's true. She trades her physical self to buy into the success a man has created for himself.

... ...
... ...

It seems to me that women almost cannot think for themselves. Their estimates of worth are based on other peoples' estimates of worth. They don't really find an object beautiful on their own. The object becomes beautiful when other people let her know that it is beautiful. ... ..."

Don't tell me it's true... Ladies, don't tell me it's true... ... *cries*

Bump!

2007-10-31T04:37:00.000+08:00

Hello! This is a Bump Post.

Life's ok. No worries!
Struggling with addiction again. Must be more focused.
Short Soci essay due this Friday. Must start.

Economics! Lemme introduce you to Paul Krugmen. Don't understand? Wanna learn more? READ. Honestly, I still don't understand most concepts, even in the most laymen terms. I can appreciate, but I guess I'm too much of a sponge to analyse and criticize. Grab his books if you have time to spare. Economics is probably another one of those things you can just read and talk about all day.. like politics and sociology and psychology.

Speaking of psychology... Milgram's Experiment. Read it. Search for videos of it. It may not shock you, but you'll definitely have your eyes opened. This btw is under Social Psychology.. the individual's perspective of a social phenomenom. Looking at it from a Sociological point of view though... I can't think of anything intellectual about that atm.

Enjoy!

Things we learn in school - Causality

2007-10-21T18:05:00.000+08:00

In the beginning, as far as we can tell, causality was not problematic. The urge to ask WHY and the capacity to find causal explanations came very early in human development. The bible, for example, tells us that just a few hours after tasting from the tree of knowledge, Adam is already an expert in causal arguments. When God asks: "Did you eat from that tree?" This is what Adam replies: "The woman whom you gave to be with me, She handed me the fruit from the tree; and I ate." Eve is just as skillful: "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."

The thing to notice about this story is that God did not ask for explanation, only for the facts: It was Adam who felt the need to explain - the message is clear, causal explanation is a man-made concept. Another interesting point about the story: explanations are used exclusively for passing responsibilities. Indeed, for thousands of years explanations had no other function. Therefore, only Gods, people and animals could cause things to happen, not objects, events or physical processes.

quoted from "The Art and Science of Cause and Effect". A lecture by Judea Pearl.

Cool. :)

Mr Wiggles

2007-10-17T11:27:00.000+08:00

everyone loves Mr Wiggles.
who doesn't? o.O

p.s. check out http://www.warcraftpets.com/ ^_^

Lies..

2007-10-17T03:18:00.000+08:00

I hate living a lie. My memory's hazy. Everything I think they were, aren't. Some things I thought were there, weren't.
On checking some hard records, I've found that quite a chunk of my memory is warped. Inaccurate. LIES. I can't tell what's true anymore. All this while I've been trying not to tell lies, and I find out that everything I say may just be a lie.. I just don't know it yet.
I should just shut up. I can't tell past from present, or if the past even occured; dreams from reality even.. the lines are blurred.. so blurred I can't tell the difference anymore.
Sleep. Maybe that's why it's the only thing I'm most inclined to do. Sleep, and run away. heh. even nowadays I can't get a decent sleep. I keep having dreams I can't remember.. I don't remember having dreams in my sleep.. or do I?
Gahh! Why oh Why must I be a Walking Lie! A hypocrite! They were right all along! oh they were so right to call me so. It wasn't them who were wrong, it was me..

I've applied for a transfer to FASS. I don't know what the outcome will be. I'd like people to pray for me. I wish I'd pray for myself. I can't help anybody if I can't help myself.. but oh, Ambrose always likes to do things he can't do 1st. Ambrose skips steps. Ambrose is impatient. That's why Ambrose is stuck in No Man's Land.. where he belongs.

One day.. driftin away.. I might find myself in a wonderland, never sleeping, never waking.. that day feels soon.. I hope not. Do I?

Shyt I failed my Macroecons Midterm...

2007-10-05T12:18:00.000+08:00

As above. Failed. Not last in cohort, but very bad. 14/30. First Failure of the semester. Heh.

NO MORE. There will BE no more.
*unsheathes two katanas and pose* =p

KK. Study time. Lets grind that result out :)
I MUST DO WELL this sem..

*hmm.. why katanas? ... coz i don't think an image of me dual-wielding any blades longer or broader than that is realistic. heck! i doubt i can even handle ONE katana. urm.. katana = 2.5 - 3ft samurai blade right? the usual primary weapon? not those manga-style 4-6ft blades wor (think Samurai Kyo's ie. 鬼眼狂刀 blade).. nor sephiroth's 7ft blade (or izzet 9ft?)*

It's here! My new CD is here!

2007-10-01T19:57:00.001+08:00

The CD I ordered on Ebay is here! "The Silent Force" by Within Temptation. :) So excited and happy! Gonna pass it to KhengHoe on Wed. We're sharing this CD man.. this is OUR CD ^^ bwahaha!
This is also my FIRST online transaction of a physical 货! WoW subscription and other payments do not count, so this is my first, and through Ebay! ^^ This gives me confidence in conducting more Ebay transactions =D I'm just Soooo happy and excited ^^ and feeling stupid at my childishness too haha =p

Since I'm blogging today, I might as well post a birthday wishlist, lest people wanna buy me stuff =p Now, I strongly DISCOURAGE people buying me stuff (coz I noe neither of us want to do it - me receiving and you giving =p), but if you do decide to, kindly take your pick from the list below (preferably with your economic well-being in mind, coz the "happiness" ie. utility gained by me from the receipt of the present is the same regardless of your choice =) )

1) Any LinkinPark Album
2) Any Evanescence Album
3) Secret (不能说的秘密) OST or DVD
4) Music & Lyrics DVD
5) Howl's Moving Castle DVD (and any StudioGlibi films after this ^^)
6) Any Dance CD that you think I like.. (Best100Dance Compiliation looks good)
7) WarcraftIII Battlechest
8) A 19 (or 19-half) break cue
9) Any new addition to my wardrobe (that you think will make me look good =p)
10) Addidas Predator Soccer Boots - blades, 2nd generation.. i think, size10 (i'll love you lots lots if you give me this one haha! even though i won't use it often =,='")

when's my birthday? ai... i forgot =p
i'm a libra though soo... :)
ciao!

edit:
just for fun, these are the more expensive wish list.. although items 7,8,10 are also expensive.. =p
1) Final Fantasy OSTs or orchestra (already have FF8, FF9, FFcollection, FF7, FF7:AC)
2) Final Fantasy XII, FFXIII
3) PS3
4) PSP
told ya.. these are expensive =p original, not pirated of course =p

*edit: items in black font are out of list. got 'em already ^^*

it's that time of the year...

2007-09-25T20:49:00.000+08:00

it's that time of the year!
yup folks, it's time for me to beat the race against the clock! to pass my IPPT b4 my birthday; to hopefully get a gold; to run faster for 2.4km.
today's results:
Sit-up. 40. 5pts.
S.B.J. 243cm. 5pts.
Chin Up. 8. 3pts.
4x10m. 9.9s. 5pts.
2.4km. Fallout.
heh. yeah i fell out after the 5th lap. was walking for most of the 5th lap, n probably half of 4th lap too! can't seem to keep the pace after the 1km mark.. i need training. i wanna blame it on the numbness i felt in my arms after doin pull ups (just before the 2.4km run) but i think i only have my lack of fitness to blame ultimately. could feel stitches creeping in barely after finishing the 1st lap.. (fyi, did my IPPT at Khatib, so 2.4km was conducted on a running track. it's been ages since i ran on one.)

mood swings? oh right. mood swings. nothing much. just constantly tired, with bursts of hyper-activity. usually cheerful, mostly irritable, sometimes moody, occasionally angry, and rarely down (gloomy).
i do feel like being alone though. but i don't wanna at the same time. so many things to do. no one to do them with, no time to do them, no will to do them. i feel on a different wavelength from everyone. weird. heh.

i hate crowds. mayb it's coz of the physical constraint. mayb it's coz i'm mildly claustrophobic. maybe it's coz i hate the stench. maybe it's coz i tend to initiate hyperventilate1.01 whenever my personal space is being constricted.
or maybe i'm juz a very proud egoistical person. (huh? what does pride got to do with this?) well, i dislike the insignificance of being in a crowd. alone, in wide open spaces, the focus is inward; the focus is me. despite my self-hate, i'm probably quite a narcist. that explains my super ego at things that i do relatively well at (with respect to my other skills or other people). i'm a disgusting character, so you should all go away. yeah. stay away =p haha. :)

newayz after IPPT, stoned on uber long train ride home. i took a long detour n juz stoned.. listening to my mp3s.. drifting away. i think that sums up my life. a drifter. bum. stoner. well, not as well as ben does it. he's the pro of stoning ha. i like to share too much =,='" i'm home now, n i shd b getting some work done. that's all for now. tata.

==EnD==

The two things that you should never waste time on.
1) Feeling sorry for yourself. It gets you nowhere.
2) Unreciprocated grudge. Worse than unreciprocated love, this is an emotion that'll eat you up from inside. Hate and anger is the worst possible combination, and in this you find both. It's pointless because most of the time, there's no logical explanation for such a feeling, and you'll rarely find a rational excuse to continue bearing that grudge. (The target of your grudge will go "huh? he hates me?". Chew on that)

Love
Ambrose
Self-declared Guru in need of help

I got bored..

2007-09-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes3.asp
http://typelogic.com/istp.html

IstP.
-bleah-

Final Fantasy Excitement

2007-09-21T04:46:00.000+08:00

Listening to Cascada now. And i'm freaking excited :)
no not about the impending doom aka the physics test (shyt i've yet to REALLY start studying.. well, started a LITTLE.. ^_^), but about Final Fantasy.
Aside from the ever-constant gnawing in me to get back to WoW, and the rush i get just DREAMING of getting back to mindless grinding of levels on a new rogue, i'm just in love with what i've heard of FFXIII.
"Compilation: Final Fantasy VII" project has got many ppl talking already, with the highly-anticipated remake, and the other games already in the market like Dirge of Cerebus, Before Crisis, and new release Crisis Core. I'm so at a lost of which to get 1st, and knowing my budget, i'll probably get none (already have dirge, but i've yet to get FFXII, so the rest will have to wait.. and i dun have a PsP to play Crisis Core!!)
But FFXIII is RoCkInG the WORLD! Awesome graphics, Loads of plot mysteries, and guess wat? TWO FFXIII to be released simultaneously. Well, not sure if they're to be released together, but FFXIII and FFXIII Versus are very inter-related, yet totally different. I've yet to watch the trailers, and the full reviews aren't out yet, but the tidbits offered to Gamespy by SquareEnix has gotten the RPG lover in me salivating ^_^
Search Them out @ gamespy.com. ya gotta love their reviews and dedication to the gaming community =) n i LOVE Fargo ^^
keke. work work. enough of excitement. Cascada's is zoning me out.. =p

today's post

2007-09-21T03:00:00.000+08:00

okok. i know. lame post title. but what m i to do? it's 3am in the morn, n i'm out of creative juice =p (not that i'm creative to begin with =p)
newayz, mourinho has been sacked (termination by mutual consent is the official news though), which i'm very sad to hear, and man u won 1-0, of which i'm delighted about =) i've got a test in... 7hrs? n i'm still awake eating 7-11 mash potato n drinking ice lemon tea =p oh, n blogging this post =p
I missed my IPPT yesterday (ie Thursday)!! ZomG... i was soooo late... shyt =p nvm. muz book another day. more time to train.. ... after today :)
I'm getting lazy.... .... .... wait i've always been like that =p
Thanks Sitoh for introducing Within Temptation to me! Awesome music. You've got me hooked *grinz* Everyone should check it out =D
Thanks Cheng Teng for linking http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/97. even if you aren't a psych major, u'd still wanna check this out =D
Thanks Meisi for your Soci Tutorial! I now know how MUCH I have to catch up with =p
Thanks Brig for always crapping with me online. You brighten up my night ^^
Thanks Xinwei for ALSO crapping with me online :) I'm expecting those baked cookies!! or whatever u're gonna bake =p i just pray they're edible MuaHaHA! =p
Thanks lula for making me jealous =p you got a SLICK SEXY BLACK DSLite!! c'mon!! life juz ain't fair haha =p (i think silver/gold's better tho.. black just reminds me of PsP *cries*)
zen! hope your life is happening ^^ if not, call me (your ever-reliable hotline =p) n i'll inject some fun and excitement!! ... i hope =p haha!
Thanks mark for meeting up today (n returning me $$ hehe) :) u n edwin enjoy raiding tonight!! .. if u can get patched in time for the raid Muahaha!! =,='"
k back to work/study/food =) i miss... everybody ^^ and nobody... meh! -bleah!-

happy birthday tricia n jon! ^_^

Champions League Fever

2007-09-19T22:24:00.000+08:00

Today, I called in "sick". missed most of my school day coz i feel i need my sleep =p
stayed up and caught most of the champion's league action last night, and will do so later tonight =)
Man Utd's playing tonight! woo hoo!! i won't do this often tho.. as in, the calling in sick part =p but I'm definitely ALL for watching Champion's League ^_^
Got an IPPT at Khatib Camp tmw. Didn't train. Will use tmw as a gauge.
Thanks Meisi for agreeing to lend me your soci tutorial notes :) will cya tmw ^^ meh... u dun have my blog do u? u won't read this newayz ><'"

Ambrose meets Astro!!

2007-09-14T01:05:00.000+08:00

Ambrose sees cute hyperactive dog. Ambrose stunned. Ambrose smiles. Astro shows affection. Ambrose and Astro become good friends. Ambrose and Astro play for 1hr+ =)
hehe. Astro is jie's dog! and he's 1yr old!! like.. juz last wk or something was his bday =D Happy belated birthday Astro! XD
i've seriously NEVER seen a dog so hyper like Astro =) he was like.. jumping all OVER the place ^^ luckily he doesn't shed much, or so jie said =) but.. juz b4 i left jie's place, felt my nose startin to itch. feeling the effects now. nose feels a little flared up =( but it's worth it ^^ get to see jie! n get to see Astro! lol with a name like that, i can juz imagine him with a cloak and flying off to save the world ala Underdog! LOL =p he looks the part too!!!
today, had lunch at some place @ upper thomson. indian restaurant. n WoAh. my murtabak was HUGE. nice food tho =) but.. i won't wanna eat it again any time soon =p kinda rich =) enjoyed my time with Edwin, Brigette and Debbie ^_^ we went to see monkeys at Upper Pierce Reservoir!! =D and the awesome reservoir view too :) we stoned for quite awhile there haha..
then there was Icekimo! @ thomson. i LOVE their espresso ice cream! i mean... they're the pwnzor HAHA =p
yeah.. u can tell i had a great thursday =D sorry i didn't have lunch w meisi tho.. =( i feel Soooooo bad abandoning ya..

I'm soooo happy today! Just got news that UCEP has accepted NUSSU's proposals for review of new S/U policies and there're now gonna be works on a possible one-off exercise for students to reconsider usage of S/U on previous modules! =) well, only to remove, not to use them. but that might just pull up my CAP by 0.2!! that's enough to get me above CAP2.0 again!! w/o even considering this sem's results!! wooohooo!! =)
*sings* i won't get expelled... i won't get expelled!! la la la la laaaa la ^_^ hahaha!!!
oh, n it's been agreed that they'll extend new S/U policies to ALL undergraduates, regardless of batch/intake ^_^ that's like... AWESOME. =) i mean.. totally :)

LCCI Elementary Accounting ie. lvl1 exam is this saturday... i'm DAMN nervous lah!! i need to study... hope i pass!! dammit... freaking afraid i won't pass *cries*
speaking of exams... i'm like SOooooo behind on most of my modules.. i need to start working harder.. like... VERY MUCH HARDER =p
this is gonna sound stupid, but i'm gonna motivate myself to STOP playing ANY MORE DUMB GAMES. been playing Winning Eleven and Football Manager recently... to fill up the void of lack of gaming. I. MUST. STOP. For the greater good of WoW gaming when semester ends ROFLMAO!!! =,='" i'm lifeless =p
then again, i gotta quote brian's MSN personal message: "I don't need to get a life. I'm a gamer. I have LOTS of 'life'."
HAHA awesome i swearz ^_^ n WoW-ers have our beloved spirit rezzers =p

I'm worried. Spiritually, I'm feelin the drain. I'm deviating from my intended path. I'm over-rationalizing things. And I'm still chained to my past.
It's funny.
I was walking by a temple today. Upon smelling the incense drifting out from it, I have the strong urge to feel reverence and respect for the place. Not that we shouldn't respect others religion, but it's not my religion anymore, so i shouldn't feel compelled to do any such thing.. right?
is nurturing so strong that it's an overriding factor to your daily decision-making? how can I ever fully be a man of God? or rather, a servant of God.
I hate my rational self sometimes =p n.. I need to stop hating myself =p

I must have been high on happy thoughts today.. drunk on them even. I was so open with what I said today.. as in, I thoughts and everything was just laid to bare..
the one thing i said which stuck to me was... that i'm a walking (living) hypocrite.
that what i do, the feelings i portray, may be me, and yet not me. that my heart is so cold. so darn cold. and the truth is, it's not that far off. i can be quite cold. i guess that explains the lack of tears shed during occasions of death, the lack of emotions. i'm emotional in that i have a temper and all, n i love and hate and all that.. but. i think.. i lack the intensity of some of them.. and sometimes i lack them altogether.
I participated in a pyschology research experiment. it asked me to think of one incident when i felt gratitude. I. Was. Stumped. I couldn't recall ANY. It took me quite awhile to recall one. And even then, I'm not sure too.
I thought mayb it's coz, by nature, i'm normally the giver rather than the receiver? but then, mayb it's juz coz i'm cold. like. so. cold. not socially cold, juz emotionally cold.
Mayb me being friendly is just a farce. Just something I grew into over the many years I've lived. Mayb the true me isn't supposed to be sociable and friendly.
And you know the scary thing? I won't be surprised either if that were true...

p.s. Planning Gathering for Mark's OG (not my OG. I can't claim that, can I now? =p) cycling @ east coast?? :) working on details.
p.p.s. jia you shan! u should have done your essay by the time u read this. enjoy your wk end, n stay fresh for the new challenges ahead! :)

thanks kor..

2007-09-08T19:54:00.000+08:00

haha i think i drank too much chivas =p
... actually.. it was only 3 glass =,='"
but.. after the bus ride.. really buay tong liao.. head was spinning like mad.. so i puked =p hurray!! my first puking from drinking! and i can still remember it clear as day! ^^
meh.. kor said is coz i didn't eat dinner =,='"

i'm gonna be a tipster today. yesterday, kor asked me to check switz-chile score. i told him it'll be 2-1 =p kor wasn't happy with my predictions, but... unfortunately it turned out true :(
so today! i'm gonna bank on my feelings again. i usually get it wrong when i have heart strings attached to a team, so the match i'm predicting today is always gonna be tricky... england vs israel.
i'm not gonna predict score today. checked the odds at singapore pools, it's about $2 for england(-1.5). i'm gonna bank my money on that :) nope i'm not gonna buy, coz i have bad betting luck. but that's my predictions. englands gonna win by a 2goal margin.
i can't wait for tonight.. i bet i'm gonna get this wrong.. coz england sux atm. budden.. heck :) i'll go with them =p

oh! and did i mention i was an italy fan? =) found a fellow italy fan in kor's fren eva :) meh.. but that's something else altogether.

Mental Agility - the Working Class divide.

2007-09-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

i have to admit. i've been living in a relatively utopian environment. despite all my "bragging" that i try to step into others shoes, to see things from others perspective, to not assume others are as priviledged as me..
it's only now that i see the difference. the social divide.

Being a student, we're constantly honing our mental skills, our thought processes. Actively exploring the world, probing ideas, dissing fallacies.. we fail to understand what it means to be an adult. a Working adult.
Working dulls your mental agility. If mental agility can be described as a sword, then a working adult's would be like a blunt, worn sword, or worse yet, a sword with no edge. Working in the world beyond school introduces to you monotony. It introduces routines, schedules, protocols, systems, of which you cannot escape. It robs you of the thing(s) that's most valued in higher education circles: creativity, or more so, the ability to think.
unable to express individuality, restricted of an identity, you become a corporate clone, an industrial drone. Such is the fate of those who're stuck in the lower recesses of the working society; unseen, unheard, we know not of their plight, for neither do they. where self-awareness is a myth, and flexibility of the mind is but a dream, an idealistic one at that.

why do i go to such lengths to describe and "exaggerate" (supposingly) our society, and our lower educated working class? we've all got relatives or acquaintances who're lesser educated than university students, and yet we're blind to such details. Is it really because we're too naive? or too caught up in our own world to notice?
i do know this. that our lesser educated brethens are grinding through life. that they're constantly looking for upgrades and improvement. that they're looking for an escape route. for a freedom they cannot yet comprehend. they struggle with the nature of our life, just as we will struggle to adjust to theirs in the coming decades.
i do not know whether to feel priviledged, to aid them, or to condemn our society structures failings, to blame singapore's favourite pin-up hate-boys (the government). is there an alternative, in our modern industrailized (and digitalized) globalising society? is this even a problem to contemplate?

the government introduces initiatives to aid and push along our labor force's drive for improvements, drive for upgrades. but are these "upgrades" hyped up? they are but a means to an end, and that end being a better life. i do not condemn the quest of knowledge. i question, instead, my being; who I am, relative to the great big world. One day, I'll find the answer.. I'll find my place. For now, i'm just another lonely traveller, on the journey through Life.

Secret

2007-09-03T16:14:00.000+08:00

PS2102 should be renamed ST0131 =p i mean.. they're teaching statistics! ... elementary style =D i like the intellectual discussions, but i don't like the debates about stats analysis.. coz i've been exposed to enough stats, i don't wanna hear anymore!! arts student are awesome ppl.. but when it comes to stats... they can be quite idiots. to the extent that i'm in a stat(e) of shock. with the exclusion of economics majors :)
funny thing is.. econs majors tend to explain everything in either words or diagrams... i seem to think of everything in mathematical equations! zomg.. i'm in the wrong faculty (oh wait.. i AM a sci student! ... ... damn).. either that, or i've been too exposed to the Science culture =,='"
so tutorials ended, and i was met with a curtain of pouring rain; screening what's plainly in clear view from sight. walked the sheltered pathway to the bus stop and hopped onto a 96. rushed to JEC just in time for Secret. there were still tickets ^_^

i LOVE it. i mean, i'm emo. i'm a romance freak. and Secret was AWESOME. it's so sweet, it melts the heart. and there was that chemistry between the lovers.. it was so special. and the best part of it? the soundtrack. B-E-A-Utiful music.
this movie feeds off all your romantic fantasies. it really lets you step into the shoes of the protaganist(s) and feel.. it's almost as if you could reach out and touch the screen and.. "feel" love. i don't regret watching it one bit. and surprisingly, i don't regret watching it alone either :)
i wanna watch it again!! ^^
i guess. i gotta believe.. that being in love is about chemistry mostly. you can create it, imitate it, but how long can that last? the best lovers aren't those with a long history of relationships.. it's those who are living on the same level(frequency) and growing together(at the same rate) throughout their relationship. *damn.. even in descriptions, i gotta resort to mathematical breakdown and analysis.. wahaha!!*
meh. but if i believe that, then.. i gotta wait a looooong time b4 i find my other half haha! ah well. no difference to my life i guess =D

i'm surviving for now, but i need to work harder. semester's getting more cramped up, and i need to start pushing myself. LCCI accounts&bookkeeping exams are coming up soon too! i better start studying.. HARD. or else....
it's nice meeting up with people. it's nice being alone as well. ya noe what the funny thing is? i like being with ppl.. but i wanna be "alone" with ppl i noe. weird huh? i can talk alot, but thats society dictating my actions. it's become inborn, for me to fill up the silence between, coz ppl feel awkward and leave me if i don't.. but all i really want is to juz spend time together.. we don't even need to say anything.
i guess that's why i can hang with some ppl. like mark, darryl.. we can talk, but we can juz shuddup and go about with whatever. it's nice to have frenz like that.
i guess, that's why people call me weird :)

p.s. i need to refine my labels more. i'm unused to this... labelling =p but for now... SPAM!! ^_^

the Lord's prayer..

2007-09-01T01:42:00.000+08:00

just something we covered in CG today :)
Matthew 6:9-13

"This, then, is how you should pray:
" 'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.'

- NIV Bible

it's nice to see all you guys again ^^ i miss you guys *hugs*

was also great meetin up with darryl, yi tong, and kevin. missed you guys lots too haha.

urm. back to life then :) happy happy ^^ edited: http://www.proofthatgodexists.org check it out =D

Post-JesusCamp Post.

2007-08-30T14:28:00.001+08:00

urm.. yeah.
so i watched Jesus Camp yesterday. it's mindblowing to say the least ^^
for starters, there's CHRISTIAN TECHNO! i mean.. how cool is that!! =D i so wanna grab some of that haha! i'll be dancing all day and all night! XD
well, aside from that, the documentary is focused on evangelical christians, and no offense, they're cool in the way that they are; but as much as i believe that everyone should not be ignorant of politics, i do not enjoy either the indoctrination of political views into religious teachings. the reason quoted was that America is God's nation, or rather, "a Nation under God", but i'll have to read up on that. *oh boy.. american history.. shudder =p but seriously, major turning points in american history are sooooo interesting! declaration of independence (thomas jefferson), gettysburg address (lincoln), i have a dream speech (martin luther king jr), .. ... and many others! ^^ (i quote these coz these r the ones i've actually read up a little =,='")*

but honestly, how many of you believe that the war we're meant to fight, being God's army, is to be fought on this world? raise your hands so i can see you! no? none? good.
coz the battle we have to fight is not the battle without, but within. we fight sin. we fight temptations. we fight ourselves, and satan. we fight in the spiritual realm, and our short lives (despite rising life expectancies.. yad-dah-yah-dah-day.. =p) is but a stepping stone to prepare ourselves for the world beyond. call me moderate, call me conservative, but heh, though i'm not sure i can do it now, i'm working towards the day when i can say i WILL die for God, and i believe all men of faith (and women. fine. damn gender discrimination laws =p) will be able to do so too. to stand up to others for your faith.

that doesn't mean we should take a confrontational stance. John15:18-21, and John16:1-4 (yes i found the verses! so happy!). basically, we WILL be marginalised, for who we are. but we must stand strong, and faithful, for we are the truth-bearers. there was no talk of fighting, conflicts, aggression.

and back to politics. if the founding fathers of America were to see modern America, they'd be turnin in their graves. America was not meant to be a global peacekeeper. America was supposed to be a sovereign entity, proclaiming liberty and prosperity to the world. and to hell with earthly conflicts like those of the balkans, like those of the taiwanese. they're neither a vital interest to america, nor are they a threat to the liberty of the country. as for sept 11, usa can only blame themselves for inciting it. it was precisely due to their global interventionist (read hegemony) policies that churned up osama bin laden and his never-ending production line of extremists. it has to stop somewhere, so either you go all out and take over middle east for your own, or you defend what you can and leave middle east alone, as cruel as it sounds.

but that's american politics, and i'm a singaporean, so lets talk abit more about matters closer to home.

have you realise something amiss in the recent years? do you feel that singapore society is moving towards a foreign direction? you know, you might be right. more and more, developments are shaping towards the construction of a new elite class, that of political clout, and an immunity to all threats, both militarily, legally, and financially. increase pay, laws that prevent slander and transparency of politicians, shifting contituency.. what we're seeing are attempts in preservation of power by the majority political power, and because it's so subtle, no one in singapore is making a genuine attempt against it! we're giving concession to them because 1) they're the "founding fathers of singapore" 2) they're bringing in the moolah 3) they're efficient. a little too efficient i say. where's the heart?

socialism is quite a dirty word, so is welfarism. even our dear LKY doesn't call himself a socialist-democrat anymore. i believe the label now is dictator, tho i'll be sued for slander haha. nah, in honesty, he's no more of a dictator than bush is, but he does hold considerable influence, and his ideals are not necessarily best for the people of singapore. good for singapore, yes; for the people of singapore? i'm not so sure.

what we're seeing is statistical growth, but broken down in sectors, we see singapore's growth being propelled by the top 20% of the population, with the growth of the last 20% less significant. i'm not quoting facts, so do not take my perspective for truth, but if i recall, the growth of singapore's last 20% is slower than the growth of the top 20%, and if that's the truth, that's bad. real bad. not sure if singapore stats board has the details, and even if they do, they probably won't release them =p haha.

so sue me for caring for singaporeans. the opposition are working with the heartlanders not because they'll get propelled to electoral victories on the back of a majority class, but because it's us heartlanders that'll bear the brunt of the eliti-cising of the PAP political class. don't u feel the vibes? even the "middle-class" is starting to feel anxiety, feeling insecure. there's a reason for it, and i assure you it's not just paranoia =p

i watched bourne ultimatum yesterday too! nice =) tho i missed the 1st 15min =,='"
... ... and that was out of point haha =p that, and i lost my train of thought after shutting my comp down =p i'm picking up this post from where i left off 10hrs ago =p

i'd like to bring to attention the lyrics of "Hanging by a Moment" - by Lifehouse. quoted from http://www.lifehousefans.com/lyrics/nonamelyrics.html.
it goes..
"Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started
Chasing After you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with You"

About what is holy and what is not holy, in the eyes of God. Of what practises in a church is right or wrong.. who are we to judge? we are but humans, mere mortals. we may feel strongly for something, or against it, but don't let worldly cares hold sway of your heart. 1Thessalonians5:19-22. "Do not restrain the Holy Spirit; do not despise inspired messages. Put all things to the test: keep what is good and avoid every kind of evil." yes indeed. who else knows best, but God himself? put all things to the test. spiritually, for we cannot attest to it's being good or not except through God's judgement. Amen.

to Jo, with regards to our debate about gay and homosexuality. I am not anti-gays, neither do i attempt to change their lifestyle. I respect their decision. but at the same time, I'm Christian. so though I do not discriminate and judge, neither should I condone "heathen acts". Romans1:27. "In the same way the men give up natural sexual relations with women and burn with passion for each other. Men do shameful things with each other, and as a result they bring upon themselves the punishment they deserve for their wrongdoing."

I am not a holy man, but that doesn't mean I should sink into despair. For I am saved, and I can repent. So can you :)
p.s. all Bible quotations are quoted from New Life Good News Bible.

labels and idiots..

2007-08-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

i'm ambrose.
i'm not a genius.
i'm not a comp whiz.
i'm not an atm machine.
i'm not at a comp 24/7.
i'm not your betting outlet.
i'm not your quick-fix hotline.

why am i getting angry over stupid stuff?
i should juz get over n shut up.. but i can't!

i'm not a computer whiz, but anyone who's played computer games should at least know what a hard drive is and how to use "My Computer".
File sharing etiquette. if the file sent is not a jpg,bmp,mp3,mp4 file ie. exe, zip, blah, verify with sender 1st before d/l. and don't open programs you don't know. else if you kena virus, you only have yourself to blame. keep AVG or a form of anti-virus running whenever u're online. it's primitive, n not necessary helpful, but it's a form of defence still.
constantly clean up your comp. disk defrag, disk cleanup, scandisk are great friends to your computer's health. USE THEM. laggy operations may not be due to a virus but your own mismanagement.
running programs of high RAM consumption is also another cause for worry. if you're over-clocking your system, then take extra care of it. else you'll just burn it out. (like my graphics card with my desktop).
i'm not perfect, and i dun follow all these, but please PLEASE try to solve your own problems before coming to me. i do do that and i hope others will do the same too. i have my own problems too. feel priviledged that i'm helping you. i don't always have to.

i'm broke. my students keep cancelling on me. and i've little money left. i hate taking from my parents. i'm cash-strapped. watching a movie is killing me. buying lunch is killing me. i worry for tmw. and i'm not gonna get from my parents.
my timetable's killing me. it's so pack. i finally have some respite on wed. i'm gonna watch a movie or two on that day. DON'T deny me of it.
i don't mind lending money, but please check if you've the capabilities to return it. a rough timeline as to when u can return would be nice too. "as soon as possible" is ok, if you don't mind me nagging for a return every few days. i hate feeling broke, knowing i have money elsewhere. though the amount is insignificant, i still hate it.

why are some ppl so bloody talented, smart, gifted, while others are just #$&#$%&# dumb?? why is it that sometimes, a person can fall under both catergories?? i mean, it's cool if you're one or the other, but when you're both, it's hard not to get angry. i'm stuck in the dumb catergory, and i admit it. but why oh why are there ppl of lesser intellect than me? it's excruciating. it's ok to be slow, it's not ok to be dense when you're more talented and smarter than me.

i hate.. i'm just angry right now. and i can't think straight. SHUT UP.

i should start making use of labels. they may be of use to both me and all you guys. so, let the 128th post mark the post i start using labels. heh.

The following are shows I wanna grab.
Jesus Camp - documentary. screening this week at GV Europa. SMS me if you wanna watch with me. be quick. I'm watching on wed, with or without you.
The World's Fastest Indian - grabbing DVD (I hope). And I hope to find time to watch it.

Also: 881, Secret, Ratatouille, The Bourne Ultimatum.

i don't wanna talk about it....

2007-08-27T20:34:00.000+08:00

Addiction. The way you feel when you're hooked on something. Comfort zone, and refusing to break out. Nothing's impossible. You just refuse to do it.
Love. It's not just a feeling. It's not quantifiable. Saying "I love you more than he does" should be banned. So should "I love you a lot". Love should not be restricted to usage between couples and family members. Love transcends. English should create a new word for love between couples. They should also create a quantifiable noun to describe love.
And... you know i'm talking crap =p

Time. I can't seem to stop wasting time. I keep running away. Bumming. I get work done nowadays, but I sure can be more efficient about it.

Driving. Loved driving, still love driving, will always love driving. Rented car over wkend. I'd say I spent at least a quarter of my life over the weekend in that Ford Laser. Feels good. Confirms my priority for my future. Car > House. Period.
Also found out that I can't really drive slow and steady. I mounted curb 2-3 times over the wkend, and 2 of the time i recall taking extra effort going slow, and i know i can clear easily if i travelled normally. I give up. I'll stick to fast acceleration. I'm more comfortable with that. Doesn't mean I'll break the speed limit, though I can. ^_^
i wonder... can i drift with ABS? hmmm....

run. i sux. jo mentioned her pet distance. 100m ><'" i'll say mine: 5km. i mean.. was. used to love 5km runs in army. now i can't even do 6km.... i stopped at 3km mark for sheares bridge run. i'm WEAK. *cry* and jo, don't think i can take part in the New Balance Run. you're on your own girl. Good luck!!

i want to sleep.....

Power

2007-08-23T15:06:00.000+08:00

Do you feel it, Singaporeans?
can you feel the shift in power?
don't you see a concentration of power?
fear of oppression creeps in, does it not?

fear not, for we have alternatives! for every concentration of power, wherein there exists a single entity as a focal point for power, there will exist a counterbalance; an opposing pull away from that focal point, in direct polar opposite of that mentioned entity. there might exist little or no difference of ideas, approach, philosophies, but it'll still exist, oppose, and contest, for that is the nature of power.
The balancing act: Worker's Party.
yeah we have SDP and the other parties that make up the SDA, but i'll just use WP for today.
this year, WP turns 50! that's a long time, and a feat indeed given our country's administration. so just a shout-out to oppositions.. you're not alone!

Sylvia Lim had this to say in last month's parliament speech. read, and know more about the going-ons of our nation. I know the readers of my blog are aged above 16. so you're a young adult to be, or you already ARE an adult, however youthful. it's time we took the initiative to know more about our country. it's OUR country, and shouldn't live in political ignorance nor apathy. in good times, we take things for granted. in bad times, we clamour for improvement. in both situations, we turn our backs on our dear opposition, the counterweight in our politics that keeps our country alive and sane. why not take advantage of the good times, and explore what our alternatives have to offer? or better yet, what we have to offer as an alternative to our Lightning-wielding leaders?

missed the National Day Rally Speech 2007? didn't catch the translations? missed out on points? just wanna review it? http://www.sprinter.gov.sg/index.html. don't say don't have. i noe u all (including myself) brought up in Singapore's spoon-fed education system generation. so na! i feed you! go read!

in school now, and work's piling up. worst thing is, i'm lacking in the determination department to start clearing my pile of work. well, now that i've blogged it... ...i'll go slack somewhere haha =,='"
addicted to "This ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" by Fall Out Boys. one day... i'm gonna figure out the meaning to the words. sounds deep.. many layers.. more than meets the eye.. ... -,-'" meh...

consumerism. marketing. pop culture.
last year, if you were aged 20 and above, collects all things transformers, you're deemed retro, old-school/fashioned, geek.
this year, if you sport anything transformers, you're cool, "in", pop, with the trend.
it's disgusting. i hate it.
i think i'm beginning to think like a marxist. heh. means i better read up on what it means to be a marxist, doesn't it? haha =p i even approach economics like a marxist, preferring a holistic solution to a perceptual quick-fix. or.. have i misunderstood what it means to be a marxist?? hmm. i must think.

edited! found the following vid on youtube. kudos to the producer of this. outspoken, direct, in-your-face harsh and sometimes vulgar, but heh, it's a good summary haha. Warning: info in the following clip may not be accurate. watch and accept at your discretion.

Remnants of a past left behind

2007-08-22T03:46:00.000+08:00

wow.. that's.... alot of posts in one night.
was browsing when i stumbled on these. a glimpse into a past, untouchably familiar, uncomfortably foreign.
http://www.geocities.com/axtremec/Timeless.html
http://www.geocities.com/axtremec/main.htm
http://www.geocities.com/axtremec/songokutrue2.bmp
And.. WoW. the things i did when i was semi-hardcore...
http://www.geocities.com/axtremec/kopis.html
http://www.geocities.com/axtremec/ygaroguefund.htm

lastly, my timetable for this semester.
http://www.geocities.com/axtremec/timetable0807_1107.xls
i'm so nice ain't i? =p

edited: I should patent this.. Ambrose's Guide to Happyness. http://www.geocities.com/axtremec/happyness.htm

p.s. all links are done by me. interested in the coding, just contact me and i'll pass the html to you. i've forgotten how i did all of them already haha. yes i was primitive. still stuck with html =p
p.p.s. now you know how i waste my time away =p

Price Discrimination

2007-08-22T03:33:00.000+08:00

I've just been a victim of price discrimination.
This is an example of economics in action, people!
My friend just made her livejournal "friends only"..
No idea why, but well, being a friend, i decided to "send in my application".
when there's a high demand for a goods, if you up your "price" (ie make ppl put in more effort), you'll still profit from it =)

err... i think i'm just crappy lah.
and over-sensitive =,='"
almost didn't wanna login my livejournal account lah!
but... i guess for some things, for some people, i'm willing to set my pride aside.

sheesh.. no wonder i'm always so moody.. i'm so sensitive and petty! zomg...
everything also find fault onez haha... ...
somewhere in the messy-ness that's me, therein lies a closet perfectionist LOL... oxymoron to the max man =p

Matthew11:28-30

2007-08-22T02:34:00.000+08:00

" 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.' " - Holy Bible, New International Version

" 'Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light.' " - New Life Good News Bible

I had to blog this down, lest I forget.
We all proclaim the consistency of the Bible, but here's an example of consistency between translations. Here we have two versions of the Bible, but in both cases, the word yoke is used.
I wondered, "what's so significant about the word yoke?" so i searched up the word (click on link to see my search results).
what I discovered is the complexity and profound-ness of message in so simple a 3 verses. In the usage of the word yoke, the Bible has conveyed a few points across.

1) the most obvious one, is that Jesus is letting you carry His burdens, and because He has none, "the yoke I will give you is easy, ..."
2) yoke also means authority. in accepting His yoke ("Take my yoke upon you/and put it on you..") we are submitting to His authority, his will. it dictates, it proclaims, it reiterates, the fact that we are submitting, with humility, into his servitude, as created to Creator. (and i mean all this in a positive manner)
3) in that same phrase, yoke also takes on the meaning of join, coupled. This highlights the fact that in coming to Christ, it's more than merely coming to Him, you're accepting Him into YOUR life; just as you let the Holy Spirit enter and work with you, such is the case when you take upon His yoke.

I know i've oversimplified. I know my expression may be found wanting. But these are my views. And I'm so happy I've found it I HAVE to share it with the world.. (the world that reads my blog anyway). I guess I gotta start asking people to reread Matthews 11:28-30 =)

Pseudo-loner

2007-08-22T01:12:00.000+08:00

You've heard of the Columbia High massacre.
You've heard of the suicide bombers.
You've heard of the walking timebombs.
You've heard them being labelled loners.
You've heard WRONG.

They're pseudoloners. People casted out of society. OUTCASTS. People who've been rejected. And in their inability to acquire what by right is in their nature of being, ie acceptance by society, they've turned to acting as a loner; in being unable to gain acceptance, they in turn decide to exact revenge by destroying the very thing they seek. Hence the massacre. Hence the psychokillings.

Some people just prefer being alone. They don't get depressed by it, they feel liberated.
I'm not one of them. Sure I HATE crowds, but that doesn't mean I dislike company. Sure I prefer being alone most of the time; doesn't mean I like being alone all the time. I enjoy acceptance, I have friendships, and yet time and again I shoot myself in my foot.
Everytime I draw closer, I push away. It's not that I hate people, it's because I hate myself.
The fact that I can never enter a close and lasting relationship with any individual stems from my self-condemnation, my self-hate, and the anger that's provoked by that hate.
It's a self-perpetuating cycle. I know it, I hate it, and I can't run away from it. It's a lethal addiction. It's a safety net. It's the fort I've built to defend myself. From me..

I claim to not understand myself. Perhaps it's not my inability to comprehend myself, nor is it me not taking the time to judge myself. Maybe it's me, too scared to admit, too scared to change, too scared to face, what I really am. The demon that is me. The other side of me.

Is it innate, that some people conform to society, while others rebel? Why is it, that some people seek the shelter of conformity, while others shoot down conformity like a rabid dog? In rebelling, some are labelled brave, innovative, creative; while others yet are labelled psychotic, murderers, delinquents.
Aren't I not like that? Not liking what I've been stuck with, I rebelled against the system that I existed in. I chose a life of "slackhood", and departed from the norm of "muggerism". I took a liking for a genre of music most people loathe. I revelled in my label as an outcast.

Am I becoming what I loathe? Is it only now, that reality comes crashing down, that I've become sober from the high of adolesence? Why the sudden craze to study, and study hard? Nay. It's not that I'm "coming to my senses" (as society decrees). If I am, I wouldn't be publicising my change.
Nay. It's just that my rebellion has come full-circle, and now, I'm hell-bent on rebelling the very label I've forged. Will I succeed?
Or am I too addicted, too distracted, by my life of old? Am I like the boulder in the river, ever steady, refusing to budge; till one day, the wear and tear on me, as on the boulder, grow too great a burden to bear, and with the current i'm swept away, a pebble in the myraid of particles washed away by the currents of the river, the currents of time... forever lost.

My blog. My sanctuary. The window to me. The essence of me. Tinted and warped by my subjective presentation. My billboard to the world. I seek the comfort of hearing my own voice. And grow to hate it ever more.
And so ends the 122nd post of my blog. Hur-rah.. hur-rah.. and the world celebrates, the world of one. Me.

Gotta hate my self-centredness =p
Ambrose

p.s. disclaimer: this post may/may not be true. it is, however, heavily dramatised.
p.p.s. to prevent plagarism, i'd like to quote the following book(s) as sources of inspiration
Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto by Anneli Rufus
any psychology materials that i've come across in the past few days of my life.

The start of something new... and the death of me

2007-08-19T20:04:00.000+08:00

added a few stuff overdue on my blog. namely, backlink and comments. feel free to utilize these functions. u regulars should noe how they're used =p
pictures: i don't take pictures, and if i do, i can't upload them. so don't expect any of them. i'm quite faceless online. what you see is what i describe to ya. pure text. the way mmorpg used to be (think mud and text+turn based games like utopia and archmage)

Guys. in a world championing meritocracy, it's a surprise that males still hold a major share of the power pie. n i doubt it's coz of the bout of irrationality that all members of the fairer sex are prone to once-in-a-month. sheesh.. in that statement, i could be sued for gender discrimination haha... the problem with me is, i wholly agree with females; in that, they deserve more say in this world. that they have risen to the challenges of the modern world more aptly than their testosterone driven counterparts. the problem with the world is, they see me as a guy, so i'm still collectively dissed for being a power-grabber with a groin for a brain.

two incidents i wanted to blog about last wk (that i obviously failed to). both involve guys who've drank too much. ya noe, gotten drunk. 1st, X, Y, and Z went out clubbing (X,Y,Z are males). X opened 2 bottles and said "enjoy". he drank some, but not much. Z held his liquor well. Y, on the other hand, got drunk. like.. piss dead drunk. soon, he lost control of himself; ie. he started behaving like his only head was the one down south. he started getting feely with X's female fren, and well.. became excessively clingy. shockingly, but really nice of X's fren, she didn't hit Y, nor did she push him away. she did try to get away, but was pretty nice about it. Z wanted to punch Y really bad.. but didn't due to X's intervention. they managed to pull Y away and restore Y's original gentleman dignity.. .... which Y promptly responded by puking all over the streets. *yuck* 2nd, A, D, E, and frenz went out clubbing. A's the storyteller, and that's about all i know bout A's participation in this scenario. E got awfully drunk, and as with 1st story, he got touch-feely with a girl. the difference is, the girl is the girl D likes. when persuasion failed (which wasn't much coz they're males, and pointless coz E is drunk), D punched E. scuffle ensued, and E was rewarded with a cleared head, and a trip to the hospital. D got arrested, or detained at least. last i heard, E's considering suing D. note tho, that A,D, E and gang are all frenz. sad ain't it?
i'm embarassed to call myself a guy.

26th August. morn: 6km run. Sheares Bridge run. heh. short run i know. hope i meet my personal expectations. i haven't been running as much as i like to. though my stamina and strength have improved =) IPPT should be the next in order =) afternoon: a trip to granny's place. to shower, rest, n celebrate midautuum festival. evening: can't stay long at granny's place, coz got a 21st to attend. JY's bday bash. i wonder what's the theme for it... ... *prays it's not white*

the economics analogy of the professional pool player. economics models are sometimes based on unrealistic assumptions, but that does not render the model useless in predicting reality. the analogy: to hit a pool ball, the player has to solve a series of complicated differential equations such that the target ball and cue ball moves according to plan. however, does the player actually solves these equations? no. so likewise, models predict reality like the equations predict the plan and movement of the ball. reality however, dictates otherwise, as does the player, who doesn't need to solve, but rather goes by judgement, experience, and technical expertise in execution.
do i agree with this? well, i gotta admit it's a great analogy, but it's a little hard for me to stomach. i mean, sure, the model works for this generation of economy, but what if the economy evolves? shifts? change. can the model with the unrealistic assumptions accomodate to the changes. shouldn't economics aspire to develop a more generic model? that's able to predict market movements/economic growths to as high a level of accuracy as possible? i'll have to read deeper into the theories and models of economics that people are applying today. i know some have been rather accurate. but there's always a new proposal every decade or two, and isn't that because of the evolving nature of real economics? vs classroom economics.

i think i really do prefer to be alone. sometimes =)

listened to parts of the National Day Rally Speech 2007. would love to read the transcript soon =) PM Lee isn't a fantastic speaker, but he does have a certain degree of charisma. enough to charm and lead =) the points made in the rally are good. there's a positive direction, and there's hope of solutions to the Singapore layman's troubles. though some might disagree with the changes made (i myself may disagree to afew upon further analysis), i'd like to say that the singapore govt, as always, has never disappointed in terms of efficiency.
i'm still voting for opposition tho, coz i do believe that parliament has a serious lack of an alternative voice. sure it might slow some legislation down, but i rather know that there're people fighting for what they believe in than knowing that it's all submission to an overwhelming majority of people in white. why'd ya think the French revolution started? =p ppl juz couldn't stand being talked down to by aristocrats =p
pungol21+ looks lovely tho =) and i need to read up on HDB policies and regulations.. ...

i need to do alot of things huh? well, problem is, i don't. i'm a dreamer. not a thinker, a dreamer. i'm not a doer, i'm a slacker.

Accounting exams are 2-3wks away. i'm nervous. i need more practise. dammit.

i'll stop here. and i'll end with a little thought bubble... ... "It gets lonelier at the top."
America, in her quest for global hegemony, has made the world turn their back on her. it's the balance of power. in the concentration of power in a single sovereign entity, there will ensue as a counterbalance, the consolidation of power against that entity. to read more... ... "A Republic, Not an Empire" by Patrick J. Buchanan. though written just before the turn of the century, it still remains an accurate description of the future of our world.

Breaking the Duck....

2007-08-14T01:47:00.000+08:00

Finally broke the 200 duck.
Since JC, or at least more than a year if i did break it within the last 2 years in NUS bowling... haven't had a 200+ game.
today, i hit a 214. and it was a perfect 9-pin tap game. All 1st throw were 9 or strike. i like =)
release still not as consistent, but at least now i know WHAT to look out for and WHERE i'm going wrong. i'm making major improvements.
oh yeah... i'm talking about bowling =p
also had 4beggar and turkey. sweet =)

urm.. what else.. dragging kor to NUS catholic society welcome tea this thurs.. anyone wanna crash? =) and... school started.. bz bz wk... and more to come.
k shan't chat. that's all for now. i'm back to bowling and school!

and damn mark n edwin for getting back to WoW... NOW -,-'" i think i'll give up the idea of ever raiding with them. i've not the time nor $$ to keep up with them. studies and $$ making comes 1st... and food and sleep above all worldly things =D God should always be above all that of course =p SHOULD be..... i need to reorder some of my priorities -,-'" lol... ...

oh, and thanks brigette!! for helping my fren... if u ever read my blog newayz... -,-'" meh.

a little thing kor said..

2007-08-11T02:33:00.000+08:00

auggie kor said something like this "you praised God, and God rewarded you"
haha it was so coincidental, u start doubting it's coincidence =p
what happened. after Jo's combined cg thing, met up w kor for dinner
after which, i camped out at his place while he changed to meet his frenz.
we both thought i'd missed the last train.
then we talked about working tmw and waking up, so i told him about the waking up story.. u noe, the one i blogged about in the previous post.
just when i finished, and we both were like "wow", the mrt station announced the last train to boon lay.
and that's where that line fits in. yeah. wow heh? =)
God takes care of me ^^ (the alternative was a cab ride home with midnight charges.. not enticing to my finances i assure you. it did tempt my innate sloth characteristics though =p)

meh.. if you guys find my recent posts very.. urm.. about God? please don't mind it. it's just that, i've nothing else much to blog about at the moment. all else is mundane everyday stuff. if you miss my ranting and bitching posts... don't worry, they may just come back! wait till my crunch periods haha =p

p.s. kor.. miss u lots lots. good to see you again :) don't smoke too much pls =p and... i noe u won't read this anyway muahaha ^_^

urm. it was a sunday...

2007-08-06T01:07:00.000+08:00

happy bday brigette!
urm. fun hanging out w you guys.. ie mark's OG. weird if i called it my OG lol =p
come come. lemme tell you a miracle.
i woke up early today w/o alarm clock! =D still late for church tho LOL
coz i got a lil distracted settling some other stuff -,-'"

but like.. how did i do that?! i have to tell you all this, coz it's so wonderful! there's no simpler explanation. God.
it goes like this. at bout 3.50am, b4 i went to sleep, i decided to off my alarm clock. but i really wanted to go church still. so i said a prayer. i prayed that, God willing, i'll wake up early later, bout 8.45am, so i can make it to church. after that prayer, i focused on my prayer, and poured my faith into it, till i zonked out into slumberland =p
guess what time i opened my eyes? 8.45am =) AMAZING huh?! i mean... totally AWESOME! no reason to do that again tonight tho. i'd like a fruitful rest this night =)

i simply LOVE rev edmund de souza's sermons! not once do they fail to make me laugh =p not being offensive, but they're actually entertaining! but yeah.. point taken n learnt from today's sermon =p skipped communion tho to rush for gathering *abashed*

man utd won the community shield! yay! and van der sar was simply AWESOME in the shootouts. i mean... 3/3 saved! amazing.. both things played good. so i guess a draw was fair =) the season's starting again! whoopee! bliss =)

n now, i'm tired. i wanna sleep. and i have 2 library books overdue by 2wks. i'm sooooo dead =p

Blind faith + Child-like innocence

2007-08-04T03:22:00.000+08:00

c'mon everybody! everybody get hooked on the catch phrase of the day!
Blind faith, child-like innocence! wooohoo!!
leads to a better life... if you invest your faith in the right option :)

there is life, there is YOUR life, and there is time.
self-centered ppl focus on THEIR life, and only THEIR life.
dreamers focus on life, and death, and all else in between.
workaholics focus on time.
k. random ramblings. skip. NEXT!

i'm amazed. i just looked back at life. and i realised something.
there's a force greater outside of the physical world as we know it.
a force that transcends the confines of space and time.
that defies human comprehension.
you think back of everything that has happened in your life, or well, anything that u care to remember, good or bad, n u'll find some meaning in it.
a reason.
a change.
an answer.

God. Thank You.
Love you deep deep lots lots *muackz*
"and the whole world rejoice and shout 'I believe!!!'"

humans are flawed. accept that. because we are gifted with a free will, it can always be our curse. choices differ. conflicts unavoidable. but heh. this is earth. :) not heaven, not hell. we have a choice here, and it doesn't have to be right or perfect =p enjoy, accept, understand, learn. there's something else after learn.... ... but i can't remember -,-'"
too sleepy. tired.....

ZzZzZzzZzzzzZZzzzzzz,,,, ...................

A very short post.

2007-08-03T01:58:00.000+08:00

coz i'm sleepy.
1) i've got the whole harry potter series brand new and up for grabs... ... if you promise to take good care of it and only for a loan. i may not have time to "hardcore read" the series like i did for wheel of time series coz that kinda screwed up my previous semester (yes books can be addictive too. imagine skipping lectures to read a book..) so yeah. i may start reading it, but it's way behind my queue of books, so if u want i can loan you 1st.
2) happy birthday Auntie! Mark's mum's birthday today :) oh and happy birthday to jingying and eve! their birthdays coming up soon =p
3) thanks mark for being with me. really enjoy your company.
4) thanks again for bringing me to watch transformers. i didn't regret it one bit =D
5) gd night everyone :)

torn

2007-07-29T01:49:00.000+08:00

discovered Art House today.
yesh i'm such an ignorant newb -,-'"
my friend was performing at earshot cafe sat evening, so i dropped by to lend my support, and to enjoy an evening. and enjoy i did ^_^
i'm a fan of Imperfect Original (ImO) =D well, that's my friend's band, so if you get wind of that name, recall this post: that i like their music, and it's worth your time to drop by and listen :)
i went there alone. my friend had her friends, her band member had her friends, but i was alone. was nice. juz chilling. i should do that more often.
it's silly i noe, but the reason for the title of this post is that i'm living a contradiction. i want to be alone, but i want to be alone WITH somebody. silly huh? yeah.. i'm a living contradiction.
went shopping at kino today too after the evening's performance was done. remembered now y i love bookstores like page one and kino, and remembered that i still hate crowds. yeah. bookstores like those are paradise.

so. back to being torn. oh wait, i DID buy stuff from kino btw :) ok out of point. i'm neither a genius nor an idiot. i'm neither a loner or a socialite. i'm neither shy nor bold. i'm neither meticulous nor reckless. i'm.. torn? (no reference to "lying naked on the floor" as was in the lyrics of Torn by Natalie Imbruglia =p)
and in being torn, i find myself an individual, all alone, without a captain (nor needing one), without a partner. yes i'm jealous, and yet nonchalent, about others finding their other half. maybe i'm resigned to never finding one. i've never really been able to find anyone who consistently connects with me on any level beyond superficiality.
like i said, i'm a chameleon. if i can barely find myself, how can i find someone who'd wanna be my companion through life? it'd boogles the mind..

heck. lets talk about something random. lets review a few age-old sayings, and how they make sense in the modern world. lets start with the following train of thought:
"The intellectual world today can be divided into the following 2 schools of thought; 1) the Arts 2) Science. Neither field is independent of one another, with overlapping areas, grey/blind spots, and some topics of discussion which transcends the a/m division."
By Art, I refer to mediums of rationalisation like religion and philosophy, and Science, mathematics, logic, physics and such others.
If you still follow my train of thought, let me delve deeper, but not by much =p The difference between the 2 schools is: The Arts asks questions, and in return, poses more questions. Science asks questions, seeks answers, which in return sprouts more questions. In summary, both schools have a return of more questions, but Science gets the bonus of having answers too.

Now, what does this have to do with age-old sayings? the 1st i'd like to bring to attention is "ignorance is bliss". is it not true, that of the 2 schools, the Arts are stereotyped as being more fun, creative, even enjoyable, happy? do you not enjoy music? do you not seek a state of bliss in religion? on the contrary, Science, though possessing more knowledge than the Arts, isn't fairing better. and not just because it's stereotyped as dull. never boring, just dull.
in seeking answers, Science has neither quenched it's insatiable thirst for knowledge nor satisfy the hunger of human curiosity. which brings us to our 2nd saying.
"curiosity kills the cat".
funny, that with increasing knowledge and technology of the world around us, we're faced with the ever-increasing probability of human extinction, a dying earth, or at least, the death of the world as we know today. we're the cat, and curiosity will be the death of us.

so. what's the point in all this?
there isn't any really. i just think.. nah. no point thinking. *meow*

p.s. heck.. talk about torn. Silentstalkr's guild (the one i started) is Halfway House. HA. how apt for me, the guy who's always stuck in the middle.

When Angels sing...

2007-07-28T02:25:00.000+08:00

ripped off from Leanna's recent post (sorry dear!) but this deserves a place on my blog. I mean.. I cried listening to her sing. It was simply breath-taking. awesome. supendous. incredible. and her age just tops it off like icing on the cake. 6yr old Connie. The world adores you. There's an innocence about you, a child's innocence, that can only be found in you, and a Gift, so angelic thy voice. i'm watching it again. i wanna hear her sing. all your troubles washed away with her song. yeah. that's how i'd describe it.

oh and, from leanna's post too, http://www.youtube.com/user/byronfgarcia. check out these vids, especially the "Thriller" vid. i dunno if i should be amazed, impressed, or.. well, see for yourself =)

Personality tests

2007-07-28T02:03:00.000+08:00

This one is a color test. And I must say, I quite like this one. =)

Ambrose took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting n..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

2007-07-28T01:31:00.000+08:00

i love love stories.
hey. i'm a libra. romance is my blessing, and my curse.
caught Breakfast at Tiffany's at the museum with a friend on friday night. was part of the 'Under the Banyan Tree' project.
it truly is a classic. i dunno, but good romance films are those that can hook me emotionally, and take me for a ride.
i won't mind watching it again =) that, and audrey hepburn's character is sooo lovable. you just.. wanna fall in love too, ya noe?
oh! and there's a really REALLY adorable cat (called Cat =p) too.. =,='"

Post #111

2007-07-27T16:06:00.000+08:00

just tried guinness.
it tastes.. 酷。yeah i think that's the word.
not sure how strong it is, but definitely not a drink to enjoy.
i guess it IS a man's drink after all...
and i guess i'm not a man yet =p

- Ambrose
{Post #111 ends}

My affinity with pistols..

2007-07-23T01:38:00.000+08:00

As of 22nd July, 2007, i'm back.
Passed my Air Pistol Proficiency course. I can now start practising again.
it's a weird feeling, after all these years.
it's a gentle reminder too, that the alluring factor of the sport never changes.
that the sport is a solo sport. it's just you, your weapon, and the target. nothing else matters.
over 64 shots, i averaged a 6.36. nice for a beginner, not good for me. hopefully i can improve to a high 7 and take part in a monthly shoot. but...
for now. work work =) or.. whatever stuff i have to do amidst gaming.
i've been blogging alot lately. and bumming too. then again, i've been doing the latter all my life =p

"thinking isn't healthy, if thinking is all you ever do." - amroui

signing off,
Ambrose

Back to Bowling!

2007-07-20T23:14:00.000+08:00

woot!
i bowled again today.. for the FIRST time in... .... i actually lost count ROFL!
tried out my new set of balls! and my old bowling ball too..
I haven't lost my technique! i can still hook! and the hook is AWESOME!
LOVE the reaction of the new balls.. and impressed with the performance of my old darling =D
pity.. stamina lacking.. 2nd game tired le -,-'"
stopped after 3 games ROFL!
don't bother bout score. i'm just SOoooooooo excited i'm back to bowling! i LUUurrrrrvvvveeee the way my ball reacts on the lanes =D

k technicalities.
tried 5-5 line with Xcelerator. overhooked! hit 2-4 pocket ROFL. had to use 6.5-5 line, or somewhere around there =p also tried 11-10, mostly 1-2 pocket unless i apply more forward roll or hit oil patch -,-'" 10-10 still overhooks, sometimes smashing through headpin, leaving a split =( loved the line from mid lane. 16-13, or thereabouts. ball snapped back into 1-3 pocket with aplomb! bAm! awesome pin reaction! and.. i can leave pin10! $_$
my two new balls, Victim and Ultimate, both of the Inferno series. bought 2nd hand from friend ;) also have a white dot, but didn't bring out =p
Victim rocks for the outside line. flat 5-5 target with a strong backend reaction. like a homing missle straight into the 1-3 pocket. great PlanB ball ^^
Ultimate was AMAZING for inside line. i've never hooked that much before in a LONG time! 24-15 line. YES that big. (i think.. =p) sent out to bout board10 before Ultimate smashes into the headpin!
problem with the new balls is that the thumbholes are all too big. nice span tho. my friend's span and my are quite similar ^^
need some minor tweaking to my new equipments and i'm ready to rock and roll!

jio me for bowling! i need more practise! =D anytime anywhere!

p.s. subject to conditions stated in previous post. sorry if i sound harsh in previous post.
p.p.s. there is ONE friend who's immune to 'IT' list rating. shall not say, but she's the only person who i dare call a best friend, though we aren't that close now. also longest known friend (since primary school). well, one of ^^

Tired..

2007-07-20T02:13:00.000+08:00

some things i just have to make clear.
if i ask you out, and you choose to accept, be happy, and be honored.
if you ask me out, and i choose to accept, be happy, and be honored.
if i reject you for whatsoever reason, do not doubt, do not suspect, do not fear, do not hate.

why can't i just choose NOT to go out?
is there something wrong with staying home?
since when was it a crime to enjoy family time, the tv, the comp, doing work, self improvement, leisure activities, AWAY from other people?
why should i account to others what i do?
i choose what to tell you, and you accept what you're told.
i try my best not to lie, and not to hide any truth if possible too. but if i feel uncomfortable saying some stuff, respect that.

if you're older than me, and you don't understand the meaning of respect and trust in a friendship, then you're a disappointment.
if it pleases people to say in jest hurting words with regards to the depth and extent of our friendship, then go ahead and have your fun while you're at it. just remember that everyone has their limits, and i'm not there for you all the time.

i promised to be available 24/7 via my h/p. sure i do miss calls, my phone batt do go dead sometimes, but i make a point to return as many calls as i can. i'm sorry if i'm not at your beck and call. i promised the a/m as a friend, not a servant nor a slave.

i have grown apart. i see friends growing spiritually, and i'm happy and jealous at the same time.
i guess it's human nature. wrong, but still human.
i have grown apart. i see friends worrying about petty stuff like studies. i hear friends worrying bout office politics and the pursuit of a higher paying stable income.
i fear i've grown pragmatic. i fear i've grown tired of people taking things far too seriously. i fear i've outgrown the stereotypes of the mainstream. and with this change in mindset, i fear i've begun to despise tertiary education, mine at least.

it's sad, but i've begun to see that most people's problems start from within, including mine. no matter how much time you spend discussing about it, thinking on it, we all end up in a vicious thought cycle, and the epicentre of this brainstorm is ultimately, ourselves.
the problem with humans is, most of us can't live without others. we need attention, we need to know somebody out there cares. we need to know that someone is behind us and ready to catch us should we fall. but the biggest problem in humans is the failure to change.
my mindset has changed, but not me. hence i understand my failings, but refuse to change them.

more and more i find flaws in people, and the problems they complain about leading from that, and i can do nothing about it. and my problem? is that i hate the sense of helplessness. although nowadays, i fear i've grown weary, and apathy is beginning to win the battle of the heart.

so back to friends. it's not that i don't wanna go out for that movie with you. i just don't feel like watching it. not because i dislike said show, i just DON'T wanna. it's not that i don't wanna go out with you to chill and hang out. i just rather not. don't blame me, don't hate me. and in all honesty i say the following, "i do NOT crap up excuses (lie) for not meeting up. even if i do, there's always a pinch of truth with my parent's blessings".

so all that ranting, and it can be summarised as such "sometimes, i just wanna be alone". ka-pish?

there're some people who're currently on the 'IT' list. these are friends that are on priority order. sure, go on, sue me for being an elitist. i'm sorry if you're not in, but i feel an affinity for these people, and if you can't rationalise it, neither can i.
in no order of merit (and withholding real names):
1) the DucK
2) BaaYeE
3) luella
4) E_Jie.
5) SalsaQueen
6) the Archer

i shall entertain no more questions with regards to the extent of our friendship. if you want an updated 'IT' list a year from now, go ahead and google it. for now, this shall suffice.
and you'd be surprised, but i can be a very boring person. so don't cry if you've got nothing to say to me, or me to you. it may surprise you, but silence transcends communication barriers.
isn't it not a wise saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder"?

What if...

2007-07-19T23:27:00.000+08:00

what if a girl came up to you and said "i don't wanna die a virgin.."
or
what if a guy came up to you and said "i don't wanna die a virgin.."
(to whomever it may apply to. i'm nice. i give consideration to the lesbian community, lesbian meaning guys/girls liking the same sex)
what'll you do? would you grant the person's dying wish? assuming he/she is dying, and not from a STD. yeah.. THAT STD. just assuming.
guess what.
i was thinking of that on the way home.. why?
mayb coz i got hit by a dizzy spell and my chest just suddenly felt really really pain -,-'"
(not a heart attack i assure you =p)
but newayz, you guys know i always fear, and yet believe, that i'd die young. funny, coz i dun feel young anymore ROFL
in today's society, how much do YOU value chasity? if you've already lost it, how much do you think it SHOULD be worth?
is it worth bringing to your grave?
where is the romance? what tingles that feeling inside you?
the way he/she looks at you? the feel of his/her palm in yours? the smell of his/her scent? the sound of his/her voice? or is it just the way you feel when you're with that someone?
what if...
what if you sat down all day, just staring at the sky.
what if you dreamed the day away, and someone's there with you, dreaming away.. parallel, different, yet similar. connected, yet apart.
what if..
now, that's special. may not be romance, may be just platonic. may be nothing more than two strangers.. but heh, that's something worth treasuring.
now, if only that were reality.
what if... time slowed down. what if the second hand stopped ticking. what if you could see the water droplets falling from the leaking tap.. and not dropping into the basin? what if.. you could slow time and see everything, capture everything. just a still of life as it is at the moment. not just the looks, but the sound, the smell, the atmosphere, that thought.
what if...
but the world rushes by, and so must i.

p.s. dofus is fun =D
p.p.s. to fgerra. i call myself ash nowadays. amroui's still around somewhere.. but yeah. ash =) a nice guy name =D and i think charity is a cool gal name. *thinks of 风云* =p
p.p.s. be who you wanna be, not who others want you to be.
(unless you're me, who's everybody and nobody at the same time =p i'm a chameleon ^^)
p.p.p.s. check this out http://www.machinima.com/films.php?id=22811 =D sorry. i'm a machinima lover =D

Dofus.. doh!

2007-07-12T19:48:00.000+08:00

check this webbie out! http://mmogdata.voig.com/
it's the stats of most, if not all, the MMO games available now =)
and... WoW is the undisputed 1st! ^^
but this ain't about WoW..
this post is about another cutesy game!
lying.. 3rd/5th (can't recall), with 4million subscriptions (yes u read it right. FOUR MILLION. Maplestory is only a few hundred thousand), is dofus!
i'm surprised tho that runescape is 2nd. i noe it's popular tho i've never seen it.. but not THAT popular =p

but! back to dofus =) http://www.dofus.com
the graphics, landscape, gameplay, story, ideals.. it speaketh to me =D
i soooo gotta try this game =) when i have the time ^^
go check it out guys! n if u wanna join me, gimme a buzz pls! i'll definitely dive in to this new world with you! (no dig at GE players. Sword of the New World you may be, but i'm not picking you up =p)

keke. enough bout games. BLOGGED!!
i'm supposed to be sick. back to being sick *feign death*
buh-bye =)

Insurgency: A HalfLife2 mod.

2007-07-12T16:37:00.000+08:00

heh.
haven't played it.
but it sounds cool already.
blogged =D
check the rave reviews on gamespy.com =)

Alone

2007-07-10T21:11:00.000+08:00

1stly, thank God and the friends He has blessed me with.

and now to go on.
it's nice being alone. being alone at home. the only one at home, at night.
i miss that feeling. n it's gone too soon. parents came home.

i wanna be alone!
hypocritic i noe, considering the 1st statement of this post.
heh. i've never been a guy who thinks straight, now have i?

buh-bye. i need a rest.
Thanks God for that pat on the back/massage/or whatever it was =)
it felt good =)

Lost one

2007-07-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

i've come to know myself as a dreamer, and not in a positive way.
more like a bummer.

escapism is my forte. fantasy is my indulgence.
sloth is my vice. imagination, my sanctuary.

i'm different. that's bout the only thing that i like, or at least accept, about me.
i like hating myself. i hate liking myself. but i hate changing myself too. does that imply me liking myself?

i m the type of guy whom society despise, whom ppl detest, whom elites discriminate, whom women scorn. i m the guy who is different, but only just.

i m a dependant of society in an ever-evolving world, inclining towards the independence of the individual over the dependancy of society. yet society itself refuses to budge, refuses to change it's collective perspective: that being independent means being alone, and more importantly, that being alone is a negative connoctation.

i m the guy whose common sense tends to zero. i m a guy of above average IQ, but only just. i'm stuck in no man's land; not smart enough to achieve, not stupid enough to be condemned. i've a mentality likened to those found in ppl whose academic IQ tends to the lower spectrum of the scale. i have the ego of one too. ie. none.
but i've a pride struggling to reinstate itself upon the man whose name is Ambrose.

there's little in the world in which i find joy in. i find joy in inanimate things, things of fantasy, of creation, of fantasy. i find joy in books, games, thoughts, the natural and artifical (man-made) world. i find intrigue in things foreign: a new language, technology, music, mentality. and yet, these things r not of value to society, if value can be judged by the dollar.

if i could run away. if i could be a bum for the rest of my life. but i can't.
i can't because i have obligations to my family.
i can't because i have obligations to my friends.
i can't because i have obligations to myself.

no man was created to waste his life away.
neither was i.
such a pity. the world is an amazing place.
sometimes.
if only the world was a dream.
and the dream were my dream.

i struggle to run from society, but i know i can't, coz i'm not made that way.
but i understand those who do so, those who have done so, and i do not blame them.
i'm a people person, but yet i'm not.

i'm the guy whom ppl turn to when they need entertainment.
when they need a breath of fresh air.
when they want a difference to life that they know it.
but i'm not a person for keeping.
i never asked to be a friend whose relationship is classified as 'nomadic platonic'.
but it's been pushed upon me.
i can never be a best friend. not because i don't want to, but because no one wants to.

meh..

2007-07-09T23:48:00.000+08:00

sometimes, there comes a time, when life just turns a dull gray.
nothing has changed, but yet there's something different about it.

Ash

Is it raining?

2007-06-24T10:45:00.000+08:00

Hooked on Rhianna's Umbrella.
And I love the MTV.. only for the dance moves.

And. did i mention i love christina aguilera?
nah not gonna watch her tho. me n my sis rn't the type to jump up n down n scream n shout out lyrics at a concert.
yeah i'm more suited to the "sit down, shuddup, n appreciate" kinda stuff. so i guess i'll give the concert a miss..
p.s. so as not to misconceptualise, only i like christina, not my sis. she's neutral.

bummers. stoned. i'm piling up my schedule so bad i finally have a legitimate reason not to go to church -,-'"
not that that's a good thing =p

------------- END --------------- Ash.

What a Libra is supposed to be...

2007-06-19T01:08:00.000+08:00

heh. i think being a libra goes something like this.

1) we're laid back ppl. like to juz chill. difference in how we chill depends on which year n date u're born =p
2) we're passionate ppl. be it passionate bout a hobby, work, game, play, life, sex (did i juz say that!! o.O), yeah we're full of passion =D
3) hopeless romantics. that's the bottomline of ALL librans. i've yet to see one who shumooks romance.

and this http://friends.imagini.net/vdna.php?uid=473222-c2c1&srv=iwebhd5 examplifies being a libra. that's me.

Darryl did a quick palm read on me a few days back. I have a messed up love life.
Sounds like what's going on in my life, but heck. Since when do i believe in destiny?
I believe in fate, that somethings of low probability do happen for some unknown reason.
But for everything else, you get what you deserve.
I MAKE my own destiny, some people will say.
I'm more inclined to "facing up to the consequence of your actions", but the a/m sounds cool too ^^

p.s. yeah i'm one of those rare and silly ppl who believe fate and destiny are two different things.
p.p.s. yes i believe libra r the most balanced and fun-loving ppl on this planet ^^ wooT!
p.p.p.s. yes i know i'm lazy, but that doesn't make me any less passionate! it's juz that sometimes... sloth gets the better of me ><'"

Juz Call Me Ash.
Peace Out.

***** END *****

Boo!

2007-06-15T01:58:00.000+08:00

Thanks to shan, i've discovered.. Sinfest!
Thanks girl, you RoX! <3 <3 u v v much! =p

And... THIS ==> *poof* is the reason why most ppl like dogs... AND i like cats =p
Oh OH! anyone for max brenner's?? i can't fly overseas, so i'm getting my kicks at the next best thing =p

Now most ppl Rubbish the book The Game by Neil Strauss. Honestly, if approached with an open mind, you can rediscover yurself! ya noe.. learn to do things you've never done b4. dare to network, make frenz, date. FORGET THE SEX. that's a Learn-As-You-Go thing. Nothing beats a good "practical" to learn a physical skill. Like they say, Practise makes perfect ><'"

I've been showing a different side of me recently. a little too loud, but it works g8 for me.. wrt practicality.
On the other hand, though i tend more towards the society's norm in terms of relationships (minus mentality, u noe i'm quite crazy), i understand the perspective from which Anneli Rufus is coming from in Party of One: The Loners' Manisfesto. Everyone has that inner self that screams for TIMEOUT. mine juz comes more often than others, while for others, it IS their norm =)
p.s. haven't finished reading Party of One yet, but liking it so far. done w The Game tho =)

I'm working part-time now at Keppel Club Bowling Alley. I tell ya, I learn something new everyday ^^ Life is g8 when you're discovering. Surprises keep you going. =D
Oh! n i signed up for a LCCI BookKeeping Cert Course =) Night class =p It's not too late to join me!! =D

I'm gonna wear myself down.. BUT i mUz prevailZzZzZzzzzz!!!

OUTLANDS is the ShiTzer! ^_^ that's sooo random -,-'" yeah.. but stubbyorange, my shadow priest on thunderhorn server *hint-hint* is having SOooooo much fun! lvl60 already! c'mon.. u noe u wanna join me *grinz*

<3 ura, space, jen on khaz. i'll drop by!
<3 kenny on dragon blight. i'll drop by too!
<3 mark n malcom on bronzebeard. i'll drop by! ... if u're there -,-'"
<3 reuben n albert on barthilas! ... ... opps i haven't dropped by!! i should.. haha =p

keke... WoW-centred blog posts bores SOME of my readers, so...
TA!
will keep in touch!

p.p.s HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUFEI AND DARRYL! (14th June).
and NO they're not a couple -,-'" juz 2 good frenz =D well, technically, one jie n one v g8 fren, buddy n almost best fren =p

p.p.p.s y almost best fren? well.. coz i never really had one best fren. dun think i can call someone a best fren. i'm quite the socialist -,-'" teired/class system: accept. meritocratic ranking? i've had enough. Unless ya talking bout Man Utd and the Premiereship =p then yeah they're the best =D

p.p.p.p.s Thanks for all you guys tolerating the spams. i'll try to keep my tagboard spam free.. oh! u guys were complaining bout the spam I type -,-'" my bad.. =p too bad. close the window if ya bored w me spam =p

p.p.p.p.p.s. SPAM =p
SPaM.
SpAm.
... spam. =p

- end -